Pillar 7 - Learn Flexibility and Flow

The Seven Pillars of Wisdom

Today's article marks the end of the first series of articles for Into the Centre. Next week we begin to look at a series entitled "Concepts for Conscious Living." It seems to me quite fitting and appropriate to end this series with a discussion about flexibility.

I'm working (and working . . ) on a novel. Actually, the 14 points we've been discussing form the backbone of the novel. The protagonist, Roberta Thatcher, finds herself working for a company who seems dedicated to helping its employees find wholeness. Roberta finds that this goal involves truly learning about herself -- intellectually, physically, spiritually, sexually -- and in terms of her relationships and vocation. There's a section in one chapter where Roberta is off on a company mandated wilderness retreat. As it fits today's topic, we pick up as night falls.

One of the more delicious moments in the Martial Arts comes when you understand the connection between rootedness, or groundedness, and the concept of flexible power. For me, flexible power is the ability to move smoothly out of the way. Groundedness is the ability to find firm footing no matter what's happening around me. Thus, the point of the trees in the story.

Society at large encourages us to measure success by how far we rise, as apposed to how deep we go. Not surprisingly, many of my clients are people who achieved some measure of "worldly" success. What brings them to me is a sense of purposelessness, meaninglessness. Their relationships fail to satisfy. They are bored or unfocussed. And often the wonder what's wrong with the world. Or they wonder why climbing the ladder used to bring pleasure, yet now their experience seems hollow.

One answer, for most, is this: climbing to the top is a one dimensional experience. And that applies to anything, including relationships. (Relationships, as a matter of fact are prime candidates for one dimensionality.) 

One dimensionality is the opposite of balance.

As we enter into our new Into the Centre series, we'll be talking about rule sets (the rules we, as individuals, live by). Suffice it to say at this point that we are given our operating instructions by the tribes to which we belong. Parents and family, country of origin, ethnic groupings, religious practices -- each a tribe that inputs data into our sub-conscious. Those rules, that data, dictates how we view the world. We, as children, swallow the rules whole. 

The mature person then spends
the rest of her life
unpacking the baggage.

Which is not the same as teenage rebellion, where we simply do the opposite of what we were taught. The idea of flexibility is wrapped up in becoming whole -- being mature -- and a first step in this process is understanding that you can hold many view points in your head at the same time.

Flexibility is:

• being able to see, assimilate and use different perspectives and viewpoints, not simply repeating the same tired one(s) over and over.
• being able to see what you do, look at the results, and to change what doesn't work, all without judging yourself to be a failure, or bad, or stupid.
• being able to choose your friends, companions and life-mates based upon mutual support, listening, intimacy and presence. 
• the ability to walk away from relationships that never worked, or worked once, but don't now.
• knowing that you have your own answers. It's resisting trying to force others to see your answers as theirs, and it's resisting having others' answers forced down your throat. You know what's best, for you.

And, it's allowing yourself the freedom to be uniquely yourself, working within the structures that surround you, but without taking the structures overly seriously. It's the essential message of the phrase, 

"Be in, but not of, the world."

• It is a good thing to decide to build a relationship that focuses on being open, intimate and available, rather than a conventional relationship based upon an endless power struggle over who's right. 
• It is a good thing to devise a vocation that uses the total of your skill set, thus generating income from that which is also your deepest passion. 
• It is a good thing to spend your life seeking to understand more and more of the depth of yourself, and to spend your relationship time learning about those around you. 
• It is a good thing to move gently on the planet, as opposed to trying to push the planet in a direction you think it should go.

The goal of the more advanced "soft" martial arts (Aikido, Tai Chi, for example) is to briefly merge with the incoming attack (not meet it with force) blend with it and redirect it. Flexibility 101. The flexible person never gives up, nor gives in. The flexible person does not break when the winds blow. The flexible person assimilates and re-directs. 

It is Aikido of the mind.

In the end, you wake up each morning and bring you into the world. You can choose to live your life like everyone else, following rules you may not even know you're following. Conforming. Not making waves. 

Or you can choose to be who you are, as the world sighs with relief. In all things, rather than aspiring for the heights, seek your depth. In rootedness is the ultimate flexibility.