The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice

Concepts for Conscious Living

The range of what we think and do is limited
by what we fail to notice. 
And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice,
there is little we can do to change.
Until we notice how failing to notice
shapes our thoughts and deeds.
R D Laing, Knots

There is a school of thought for corporate management called the "Theory of Constraints." It was developed by Eli Goldratt, and is one of those theories, when you hear it, causes you to go, "Of course!," and lightly slap yourself in the forehead. The part of the theory I want to discuss today goes like this.

Many management plans are designed to speed things up -- to make things more efficient. After much thought, planning and implementation, the rough edges are ironed out, and production goes from 100 widgets an hour to 500 widgets an hour. This goes on for a week, until the plant is overrun with widgets. Finally, someone says, "Why are these widgets all over the place?" And someone discovers that Harry, down in shipping, can only ship 50 widgets an hour.

Moral? Doesn't matter how efficient the plant is, how great the assembly line is, how brilliant are the strategic planners. The output is alwaysdetermined by the slowest person, the weakest link, the thing that escapes notice. Obvious, right? So, how come we don't "notice?"

This is Laing's point. We are limited in what we think and do by what we fail to notice.

I have a client who has a poor relationship with his son. He considers the 19 year old lazy -- "he won't amount to much" is the usual refrain. Last October my client brought his son to a session. He explained that his son didn't do well in grade 12, and now was having trouble in grade 13 (in Ontario, there's grade 13, which is sort of an extra, University prep year. Most people from Ontario enter University at 19.) He indicated that, with the grades he had, he would be lucky to get accepted into a Community College. The son replied, "It's not that bad, dad. Chill."

The father continued to make his weekly appearance, and in April was describing another instance of his "lazy" son not finishing some work around the house. He then said, "Yeah, he'll never change, and he doesn't seem to be in a rush to reply to the two Universities that accepted him, either, and I just figure he's never going to grow up."

I said, "Whoa. What did you just say? About two universities?"

He repeated himself.

I said, "When the two of you were in here together, I thought you said he wasn't going to get accepted at ANY school!"

He replied, "Yeah. Two, and three more Universities to hear from (he eventually got accepted at all five.) But he's so lazy, he'll probably fail his first semester."

This father failed to notice his son's acceptance to University, an in failing to notice, lost the opportunity to re-evaluate his position on his son's laziness. He also failed to congratulate his son on his acceptances. So, the dad's range of behaviour (condemning the son for laziness) couldn't change, as he hadn't noticed what he fails to notice.

Another example: lets say that Sue's stated goal is to build a better relationship with her partner. They have a disagreement. Sue makes her point while yelling and getting angry. He walks away. Next time, she yells louder. He walks away quicker. Over and over, louder and louder, as Sue attempts to get him to see the wisdom contained in her volume.

The thing Sue fails to notice is that her behaviour is not improving the relationship. Which was her goal. Or so she said.

Sue keeps doing what doesn't work because she fails to notice that she fails to notice that yelling gets her the opposite of what she said she wanted. Sue becomes Harry in the mail room, shipping 50 widgets an hour. And nothing is working out. And Sue doesn't notice the widgets at her feet.

The management people in Sue's head tell production to go faster, so she runs her mouth at higher speed and more volume. And, I repeat, nothing changes, except for the increasing pile of widgets.

I've made my point, right? As soon as you argue that anything is true for all time and in all circumstances, any behaviour is appropriate all the time, you have locked yourself in to a life of being impossibly stuck.

The question of the day is always, "What am I missing?" This question allows us to look at our assumptions and to look for how those assumptions limit us.

Just to be sure you "get" this idea, and as an introduction to next week's theme of how, for most people, thought dictates being,  (the error Laing is pointing to) let me mention a study noted in an article in Newsweek, on depression. To read the article on line, go to:

http://www.newsweek.com/nw-srv/printed/special/wh99/ch4/front.htm

The article mentioned a study by Dr. Mark George wherein the researcher had subjects think of sad memories. The researcher discovered:

"But there was a striking difference: the total area of the brain involved in the reaction was eight times larger in his women subjects than among the men." And more women than men get depressed. The "scientific" conclusion was: "Hard questions remain—but answers may be coming. "Nobody has been able to identify a specific genetic or physiological dysfunction that turns epression on and off," says Jerrold Rosenbaum, executive director of the Mood and Anxiety Disorder Institute at the University of Massachusetts Hospital. "That's about 10 years away.""

This, I would argue, is only one way of looking at the results.

What they "failed to notice" is contained in a sentence in the article, which read, "About 15 percent of all women suffer from a depressive disorder at some point in their lives."  Here's the question I ask. Why, if women have an area eight times larger affected in the brain, do ONLY 15% of all women have a depression? In other words, what do the non-depressed 85%, who ALSO have eight times more of their brain affected by sadness, have to teach us about not getting depressed?

Many scientists think you can cure all  illness with drugs. In this, they "fail to notice." As do we all. Until we notice.