Breaking Free, as the Shift Happens

Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains." -- Rousseau, (1762)

I got an e-mail from the wife of a client the other day. She also subscribes to Into the Centre. The e-mail was entitled "Breakthrough," and the details are not important. Basically, a repeating communication pattern was about to happen, and rather than do what she'd done in the past, she referred back to last week's Into the Centre, remembered about being curious, and asked her partner a question -- "I'm curious about this behaviour." To everyone's surprise (except mine) he answered her, and there was no communication breakdown.

My question: who had the breakthrough, the husband or the wife? Or, perhaps, both?

Today's message describes the saga of how we change. 

As we've said, "Shift happens." Something clicks. A new understanding emerges. How? Through the willingness to shift. To shift thinking. Awareness. Beliefs. And our Self.

I have so many brand new stories I barely know where to begin. I'm working with a 17 year old (actually, I'm gaining 2 more 17 year olds tomorrow -- there must have been a sale, and I must have ordered 'em by volume…and we know the cosmos is kind…) who said, about her boyfriend—"He makes me feel good about myself." Now, if you've been reading Into the Centre for a while, you KNOW I couldn't let that one get by. I did some talking with her about how she allows herself to feel good about herself in his presence, and then she thinks it's because of him. Interestingly, she caught on to that one right away, although I think she's skeptical.

I broached it with her because believing others can "make us" anything is a sure recipe for disaster. If she assumes that a man "makes her" happy, makes her feel good about herself, she will then move heaven and earth to keep him keeping her happy. He gripes, she'll change. He complains, she'll yield. He wants something, she'll provide it. All to hear him say, "I like you. You are a worthwhile person."

On the other hand, if she sees the logic and feels the truth of feeling good about herself, for herself, she actually has the potential to feel good all the time not just when she's with him. This will free her from having to weld him to her hip.

But remember: she "learned" this way of thinking, likely from her parents, who said, "Wow, you tied your shoes! You make me so happy!" or "Daddy's angry with you. You should be ashamed of yourself."

To step out of this thinking requires a shift of epic proportions. It requires her to adopt a life view, a self view, a view that is self-referential.

Another story: I mentioned that a couple of weekends ago I ran a weekend workshop on "Basic and Advanced Body Consciousness" - a compendium of western and eastern understandings of how energy works and flows in the body. Much of the workshop was "hands on" and by the end people were becoming very familiar and quite pleased with the feeling of the flow of the energy in their bodies.

I've received a ton of e-mail and comments from participants regarding the weekend. One of the attendees is a massage therapist. She was telling me what a difference she notices in the work she is doing -- people are breathing deeply as she works, emotions are coming up, people are releasing old material. (See the Bodywork section of The Phoenix Centre site, if you don't know what I'm talking about here.)

Now, none of this would have happened for her had she been unwilling to feel all of this for herself, in herself.

Phoenix Centre Bodywork principles and practices may differ from her previous experience, may defy her logic (Phoenix definition: things that defy logic are simply those things which I don't presently believe in), but she's open to the shift. And shift she does. As do her clients. Interesting, eh?

Another participant is a left brained, extremely "yang" former business exec. He was struggling throughout the first day to "make sense" of what I was saying, to "do it right," and at the end of one exercise asked what he was supposed to be feeling. As if there was an answer to that question -- other than "Whatever you're feeling." Not the kind of answer a logical mind wants to hear.

A few days after the weekend, I got a call from him. He had been repeating a meditation I taught, and felt this bolt of energy move throughout his body. Needless to say, he freaked himself out a bit. I suggested that perhaps this was the energy we were talking about and working with on the weekend. He stopped talking, and then, in a quiet voice, said, "I want to learn about this and feel it more." Shift happens.

Now, it is true that many begin this path, this shift,  then start to notice that the people around them are not particularly happy with the direction they are going. For many, when someone behaves unpredictably, the goal is to get them back into old behaviours - because it is "natural" to crave predictability. Not healthy, but certainly natural.

So, walking this path - this breakthrough, this "shift path" is met with anxiety -- in others -- sometimes in ourselves. My mom, bless her heart, has watched me make many shifts. A big one happened for me around the time I was first out at The Haven , taking Phase 1. When, 2 years later, I was heading back to pd seminars for Phase 3, mom said, "Well, you lost your mind out there two years ago. I hope you find it again." When I told the group this, Jock said, "Oh! We found a mind laying around two years ago. Glad to know whose it is. We stuck it in the freezer down in the kitchen!" Let me say, without hesitation, by the way, that I continue to encourage the people we work with to "head west" to pd seminars, especially for the Phase programs. In my humble opinion, they're essential for this walk. 

Mom still isn't sure about me. That's OK. The mind I lost I haven't missed. Not even once.

As the shift happens, as we allow it to be who we are becoming, we notice that our freedom and creativity increases. We also, if we are truthful, notice a very real sense of aloneness. As in being alone on our own, on this walk. There may be others around us on a similar path, but it's a scary, lonely, yet lovely path.

I was thinking about that aspect of the walk, and picked up this month's Fast Company Magazine, (April 2000 issue,) and (naturally) found a whole section on creativity. Here are two quotes:

Arno Penzias: (p.110) What you really have to do, if you want to be creative, is to unlearn all of the teasing and censoring you've received throughout your life. . . But if you're a truly creative person, you know that feeling insecure and lonely is par for the course. You can't have it both ways: You can't be creative, and conform too. You have to recognize that what makes you different also makes you creative.

Madeline L'Engle (p.112) In order to allow ourselves to be creative, we have to relinquish control and overcome fear. Why? Because real creativity is life-altering. It threatens the status quo; it makes us see things differently. It brings about change, and we are terrified of change. . . .Creativity comes from accepting you're not safe, from being absolutely aware, and from letting go of control. It's a matter of seeing everything - even when you want to shut your eyes.

I meet many along the way (including many of you, who write about your path) and I am in awe of what we are capable of. I have formed many deep and enduring relationships of incredible intensity, and get to decide, day in and day out, what those relationships will be like. I have no pre-judgments about that -- I'm simply open to the unfolding. I have a burning desire to know and be known. To share what I know of me and my walk. To build something new and enduring. A community where people can come and learn to be . . . wait for it . . . themselves.

All of themselves. I see a place where people will be encouraged to seek wholeness, depth, energy and flow. Where hearts, minds, spirits and bodies will be touched, where seekers will open, free, empower and enliven themselves. Where "human potential" will refer to the depth and breadth of what we are capable of.

This is the vision of The NEW Phoenix Centre. It's coming. Soon. And in reality. And you'll read about it, our process, here, in Into the Centre. And soon, certainly by 1st quarter 2001, there will be a place for you to journey to -- to study, reflect, to release yourself -- body, mind and spirit. And like the phoenix rising from its own ashes, through the fire of creativity, you will find your own depth, passion, fire. As the shift . . . happens.