Chairman of the Contented

I was working with a neat client the other day. We'd finished talking and had a good bodywork session, and were having a post-bodywork "relax and chat" moment. In the midst of the chat, my client said that she'd had a meeting, at work, with "The Board." My mind, such as it is, has trouble not playing with words. I said something to the effect of, "Why would anyone want to be a part of the bored? I mean, people actually work their way up through the ranks of the bored, and finally get to be the Chairman of the Bored. Wouldn't it be better to be the Chairman of the Excited? Or the Chairman of the Contented?"

OK. So I'm a bit weird - surely that's been made abundantly clear to you, as you've read Into the Centre. I can't resist playing with language, and noticing how, when we really listen, other vistas and perspectives often open up - though our use of language.

In keeping with my idea to add a business touch to a few Into the Centres - I want to talk from both a business and personal perspective today. (You really didn't think they were separate, did you???)

Doesn't it strike you that many people live life as if they are in the midst of a bipolar attack? Thrill junkies abound, and being in the dumper seems to be a popular choice too. Entire sub-cultures revolve around the use of Prozac. Viagra has become a recreational drug for 20-somethings.

Despite huge denials, much energy is spent trying to maintain the status quo. "It's just the way I am" is the cop-out phrase of the "double-zero decade." I amaze myself daily over how many people seem to be simply going through the motions. The most you ever seem to get out of them is, "If things don't change, I'm out of here."

What seems to be missing is a sense of purpose and direction - a leitmotif - a meaning. And I'm suggesting we find meaning despite the essentially meaningless nature of life. (I suppose that should be "the existentially meaningless nature of life" - I' m mixing my metaphors! ;-) ) Of course it's tough out there. Of course life itself - building relationships, communicating with excellence and elegance - is tough.

Often, my clients discuss business concerns. Of all the areas of counselling, relationships and work tend to be two areas where people really scare themselves. Or shut themselves down. I'm working with one couple that are living their lives as two isolated entities. I, as you might expect, continue to suggest dialogue as a start at changing things. Since May, they have been able to set aside exactly two periods of 15 minutes each to talk about their relationship. The last conversation shifted from "do we want to be married" to why the wife couldn't lose weight. Needless to say, both feel hopeless - yet neither think there is anything they can do differently. God forbid they talk.

In the business realm, we get the "poor, powerless me" syndrome. What I find odd about that is that most people have a fair amount of flexibility at work - to innovate either a little or a lot, to propose, to suggest, to form alliances. As we said last week, being political is not necessarily a bad thing. (More on political vs. personal next week.)

Back to my starting point. Boredom is always self-inflicted. I find this so interesting, just as I find life, well, so interesting. As we sit and stew in "what's wrong and how helpless I am," we feel like life is passing us by and it's all so useless. The better we get at boredom the closer we get to being the Chairman of the Bored. And think about how often we sit in small groups of colleagues, having a "pity-party" and talking about how tough it all is. Here's a thought:

if all of your friends like to do is sit around and complain,
without effecting change,
maybe you need new friends.

The cult of the excited is certainly an improvement. The walk of excitement is a bit of a trap too, but definitely more interesting than bored. The danger is in becoming a change or excitement junkie. Lots of people who attend endless self-improvement seminars are caught in this loop. Their heads fill with visions of sugarplums. When the world fails to get as excited as they are about the newest psychobabble, the person runs off to learn a new language.

My vote is for the cult of contentment. Within this framework are the endless possibilities that choice brings. I can be excited about the changes in direction that I am making, but I'm not caught up in the feelings. Each and every conversation, decision, project, takes on a life of its own. There is beauty and bliss in each activity.

I empower myself to be an agent of choice. I seek like-minded people to talk to and walk with. I play the game from the pure joy of playing - taking what works and sharpening it, taking what isn't working and finding alternatives. I choose to do this without attachment to taking, or receiving, credit or attention. I do things differently because I enjoy the pleasure of being creative. (And of course, people do notice!)

I wrote an e-mail to my buddies, Ben and Jock, the other day. I was feeling a spiritual vacuum in the wake of my mom's death, and I wanted perspective. Jock wrote of the many, seemingly simple things he and Ben do in a day, each thing a "sacrament." Each event becomes a blessing and a means of being present, in the moment, and in contentment. My favourite line:

"None of this is too highfalutin…
but then we're simple Zen guys."

Amen and amen.

And for me? I'm content to be the Chairman of the Contented. Now, will you elect to "come on 'board?"