Flexible as compared to blocked

The Fringe Dweller's Guide to the Universe

The 12 Dichotomies

For the next 12 weeks, we’ll look at the following pairings, or dichotomies:

The 12 Dichotomies

(click for past articles)

1. Mindful as compared to mindless
2. Responsible as compared to blaming
3. Flexible as compared to blocked
4. Self-actualized as compared to self-absorbed
5. Honest as compared to indirect
6. Truthful as compared to devious
7. Self-centred as compared to selfish
8. Masterful as compared to knowledgeable
9. Present as compared to absent
10. Responsive as compared to reactive
11. Focussed as compared to scattered
12. Passionate as compared to charged

3. Flexible as compared to blocked

If you’ve been reading Into the Centre for a while you’ll know that we use the terms flexible and blocked to talk about Bodywork states. Flexibility is a state of freedom of movement and the free flow of chi, or energy, within the body. Being blocked, on the other hand, comes from acupuncture theory and is all about the conditions that lead to being or having stagnancy in the body.

But we sure wouldn’t want to limit these terms to Bodywork - they apply as well to the living out of our days. Flexibility is the ability to look life straight in the eye and to deal with it as it is. Flexibility is the understanding that I always have choices, both in how I think and in how I act.

Notice how fixated most people are on wanting other people to be flexible. The assumption is that others should see their discomfort, hear their complaints and simply stop doing whatever it is they are irritating themselves over. There is implied here the idea that others are completely capable of change, while the poor "victim" is stuck repeating the same behaviours over and over.

Heaven betide the person that suggests in passing that they might simply want to consider changing their own approach to a more flexible one. No, blocks are earned honestly, and most folk simply aren’t interested in that much effort. Indeed, it’s often, to them, easier to change the people they relate with than the behaviours that separate them.

Blockages come from "early on" and build from there. Because of the way we are socialized, we get in our heads certain patterns of thought about who we are, who others are and how the world works. I’m working with a young guy whose parenting included a domineering father and an overly compliant mother. The mom is a friend of mine who has come a long way in clearing out the baggage of her childhood and early adulthood. The son is 19, and has had major problems.

When I listen to him talk, I hear a lot of arrogance. He’s convinced that he has all the answers. His screw-ups are often blamed on others. His relationship with his girlfriend is based upon her whining about his inconsideration and his listing off all her flaws. Whenever I say anything about anything, his first words are, "I know that." When I ask him how someone as wise as he is can be in as much trouble as he is in, he gets quiet for a moment, then blames his mother, his girlfriend, his friends. Already the blockages and rigidities are in place.

I was doing Bodywork with a client, and she was especially sore in her legs. We talked about how this often has to do with groundedness – and with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This is "base needs" material - the right to live. Many people are unconvinced that they are valuable, that they have the right to breathe the air and walk on the planet. They spend a lot of time apologizing for their existence. They seem, at a moment’s notice, ready to change anything to make a situation better.

This, surprisingly, is also a block - a rigidity. It’s the fixed belief that one is constantly wrong. They claim that they change and change and "nothing changes." Well, of course not. They’re shifting around constantly, never really taking a stand, never understanding who they are – their value, their purpose. Their rigidity is all about proving to themselves that, despite their best efforts, nothing ever turns out right for them.

It can’t. Because the stuff of their life is not separate from them. Their problems are not out there somewhere waiting to be solved by a continual changing. The issue is at the core of their being, and is contained in their own self-acceptance. It happens in direct proportion to the person’s willingness to self-reflect and to make better choices.

Flexibility is the willingness to discard what isn’t working. In the martial arts, it is the ability to adjust the response quickly and accurately to the actual attack. In business it is the ability to flow with the marketplace and with co-workers, without demanding to rigid adherence to what may or may not be the case. In all situations, flexibility is about bending with the wind, without breaking.

Be bamboo.