Had our first taste of Spring-like weather - well, sunshine and a few degrees above freezing. Back to snow and freezing rain today. We cut short a trip to Toronto yesterday, thinking it better to be home. Had dinner at our favourite Sushi restaurant, though! Speaking of Toronto, we've set dates for two workshops. The first is our 2-day "Learning From the Voice of Your Body" workshop, which will be March 29 & 30, and the other is the 2nd instalment of "Finding Your Self", on May 4. Click on the link for descriptions, costs and directions. Warmly, Wayne About Into the Centre - Voluntary Subscriptions We'd like to give you the opportunity to make a donation toward our work, both with Into the Centre and with our website and free booklets. We've set up a "product" at our Company Store, where you can use VISA or MasterCard to send us a donation. When we were exploring a subscription model, we thought 24.00CDN per year made sense - that's 50 cents an issue! There is no suggested minimum (or maximum...;-) ) donation for using the "Voluntary Subscription" button, just below. There is no necessity that you do anything. If you choose to donate, you decide how, how much and how often. Please note!: 1) Our Store uses Canadian dollars, so take that into account.
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What's It All About?Some years ago, I think probably connected to a paper version of my newsletter, I generated a list of 25 "Universal Rules" to live by. I was fishing through a drawer the other day, and came across the list. I thought, "Hmm. Not bad. Maybe this could be the basis of some Into the Centre articles." I'm not committing to 25 articles, although you never know. There's a lot of meat here, and that means having a "good look." You'll see a link, here, that will permanently link to a web page with these rules. On that page will be our standard, "printer friendly" page maker, as well as a pdf file of the list, elegantly presented. Feel free to grab it and use it, so long as you leave the copyright © notice intact. Universal rules If it doesn't work, don't do it. OK. So, you'll see in the "rules" the most common re-occurring theme in Into the Centre - personal responsibility. I so consider this to be a no-brainer that, as I meet with clients, I have to continually give my head a shake to remind myself how much resistance there is to this idea. Even long time clients will occasionally drop into the "if only my husband/wife was different, I could be happy" mode. Never mind that they've been seeking this transformation since T-Rex ruled the planet. Never mind that their contentment has been on hold forever. Never mind that the things they want and need for themselves never seem to arrive. They cling to the task of "getting others to see the light," as opposed to simply focusing on their walk, their path, their understandings. It gets quite cute, as people sigh and look sad and then indicate how hard they are trying, and "those people" around them just won't co-operate. One woman, last week, indicated that she and her husband had been battling for 13 years over "who is right." We've visited and re-visited the idea that, rather than right, their views are simply "different." We talked alternatives, including leaving the relationship, or staying and accepting her husband as he is, while choosing to live her life as she wants to. She thought she'd give the latter a try for a month. Then she stopped, looked puzzled and said, "But doesn't that mean that my husband will win?" And around and around we go. The first Universal Rule - If it doesn't work, don't do it - addresses this dilemma from the other side of the equation. We often pro-actively describe the self-responsibility process by using the Communication Model, or talking about letting go of finding the "guilty party" - the idea being, as above, that differences of opinion are just that. The opposite version of the same idea is, "If it doesn’t work, don't do it." Once again, this seems obvious. I often use a business example of this, as somehow people sort of "get it" when money is involved. I say, "If you devised a policy at work that, every time you implemented it, you cost the company $50,000, how often would you do it?" And I get this quizzical, "What the hell is the matter with you??" look, and always, the same answer: "ONCE!!!" Occasionally, if the person is a little thick, she or he will follow with, "What's your point?" My point is obvious. Many people treat people and situations at work with much more care and creativity than the way they operate at home. People, as they relate to others they consider important, often lock into one mode of interaction, (some common ones: blame, the need to "fix," martyrdom) and that mode is best described as blatant manipulation. I just coined a term for it: On the other hand, doing something different is always an available choice. I talked with a mom of an 18-year-old last week, and her son had screwed up his second-last semester in High School. She and her husband has slapped on Draconian measures to force him to do better. I said, "Hmm. He's 7 months away from University. What are you and your husband going to do - move into his dorm room?" We devised a strategy which was basically "hands off, let him sink or swim." This week, in mom, dad and son came. They had actually implemented the new plan, and everyone was on board. All of the fighting and tension had stopped, and the "kid" thanked me for my trust in his ability to be an adult. I basically replied, "Good. Don't screw up!" and we had a laugh. If it doesn't work, don't do it. Simple, eh? |
The Phoenix Recommends:Please note: we are now affiliates with the Canadian Amazon Bookstore, amazon.ca. You can now visit either location and About our recommendations: books, music or whatever we recommend are linked either to The Phoenix Centre Web Store or to Amazon.com. We are affiliates of Amazon.com, and make a small referral fee if you buy a book from them, using a link from this newsletter, or from our web site. If you use the "search" link in the column to the right, you can buy ANY book from Amazon.com and we benefit from your purchase. As almost everything we do through the web site (except my books) are free, this one affiliate program allows us to offset a small portion of the expenses of publishing. If you're looking for books, tapes or anything else (pretty much anything these days!) please go to Amazon.com through our site. To see a list of ALL of our recommended books, click here
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The Amazing, Travelling PhoenixSponsor a Phoenix Centre Training EventWherever you are in North America, if you'd like to sponsor a Phoenix Centre event, I'd be delighted to lead it. We've created an information area for "workshop coordinators" which describes suggested events. It's here. |
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FREE Booklets from The Phoenix Centre There are FREE booklets on the web site. Building Deep and Lasting Relationships The List of 50
Click here to get The Compassionate, Responsible Relationship -- 36 page booklet on building the most deep and meaningful relationship possible. You'll find encouragement for finding a depth of meaning as you learn about yourself and share it, intimately and clearly, with your partner.
Click here to get The Watcher This booklet describes the voices in our heads, the games we play with ourselves, and gives you guidance at creating an alternative voice, which I call "The Watcher." Based on behavioural theory and Buddhist and psychotherapeutic teachings, the booklet will lead you into a comfortable relationship with the voices in your head.
Click here to get
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Dr. Self-Help.com
Click the title! Your gateway to the wide world of mental and emotional health, wellness, growth, peace, and tranquility on the web. Why waste time searching and book marking when we've already done the work for you? |
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Click the graphic! Peter Hoban's site, for views and thoughts on |
Click the graphic! Psychotherapist Ellen Moore's site, dedicated to journaling, reinterpretation of meaning and "sitting with" life issues. |
 Click the graphic! Mindconnection--our name and theme. Our products and services--many of them free--are resources to help |
click the title or the graphic! Mystic Visions is one of the very few places on the internet to provide you |
Lockergnome
A nifty website for technical e-zines and advice. I've been receiving Lockergnome Windows Digest for years, and have downloaded tons of Chris Pirello's recommendations. Check it out! |
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Windhorse
clicking gets you a pdf brochure Retreats that offer you many opportunities to explore and express your own personal journey of sexual potential. They explore sexuality and its deeply interwoven threads of intimacy, emotions, touch, eroticism, sensuality, reclaiming your body, understanding your sexual history, communication, increasing your capacity for pleasure, uniting sexuality with spirituality. |
