Late fall returned to Ontario this week, necessitating sweats and long pants for a whole day. The sun retuned today, and it's pleasantly warm. We have a quiet weekend filled with friends and "the kids" ahead. Trusting you're having excellent moments, one after another. Check out the progress in the Zen Garden! Warmly, Wayne P.S. For the technically inclined, we've devised a newsfeed for the website, which specifically lists Into the Centre, our What's New page and our What We're Reading page. Point your Newsreader to The Phoenix Centre's website, and if your Newsreader auto-detects it should pick up our feed. If you need to type in the feed location, it's: http://www.phoenixcentre.com/livefeed2.xml Lastly, if you want a great FREE Newsreader, check out FeedDemon!
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Universal Rules# 22 - Take Nothing for Granted.click here for the full list of rules In keeping with the underlying "Zen-ness" of much of the list we are working through, this expression has a plethora of meanings. As I'm sitting here and contemplating what I'll write, I'm thinking I'll tackle two of them, but this might change by the end. So, don't take for granted that there will only be two... One usage of this expression regards our relationships, and is a reference to how often we do, in fact, take them for granted. I was pleasantly "fooled" by a client I just started with. He's deeply into a midlife crisis. He mentioned a guy he'd met a few years earlier, and told me how much fun they'd had singing together. The guy was a doctor, the head of one of our local hospitals, and into a ton of stuff. He then received one of the infamous, "you have six weeks to live" diagnoses we all know of. Then, he died. My client sighed, and paused. In the pause, I made a "predictable prediction." I expected him to say, "I just wish I'd spent more time with him, gotten to know him better, sung more songs with him." Instead, he shook his head and said, "What an example. There was a guy who lived his life to the fullest - who made a difference - and I've come to realize that that's what is missing in my life." The younger we are, the more we assume that we are invulnerable and that life will go on forever. We assume that there will always be time, later, to speak our truth to those around us - to resolve differences, to say "I love you," to spend quality time with our partners, to get over ourselves and actually "live life." As we get older, we get multiple wake-up calls, as things change and things end. Kids grow up and leave home, jobs end, bodies slow down and start aching. And still, many people refuse to see the obvious - that there is no "forever." There is just the now, the moment, and the promise of, but no guarantee of, the next moment. Many live their lives on hold, blaming others for their misery and stuckness, missing the fact that while they sit there in their little pile of self-induced pity, their lives and running through their fingers like grains of sand. Each moment they spend in distress, blaming and sadness is a moment they will never get back. Because they take the future for granted, and think they have forever, they are curiously unmotivated to deal with their own lives in the only time frame they can - in the here and now. There is no guarantee that there will be a "tomorrow" to say what needs to be said, to get the degree you want, to start living life as your passion dictates. There is just today. Stop taking tomorrow for granted! The other "taking for granted" is our belief system. You know from past Into the Centre's that I think that the only test for a belief is the "utility" test - does it get the results it proposes to get? Example: I declare that I want to have a deep and meaningful relationship
with my partner, and then I choose to act toward her by blaming, accusing and
distancing myself from her. Given this scenario, there are only two possible
interpretations: The "faulty third" assumption, that I really do want to deepen my relationship, and that my partner is stopping me from doing so, so I therefore am justified in torturing her, is the "taking for granted" posture. I'm excusing myself from taking responsibility for my life and waiting for someone else to do it for me. This is just one example of "taking it for granted" that something I believe is actually "true." In a sense, I want to take nothing for granted, including what I believe to be true. My job is to be present with myself and in my "paying attention-ness" see how things are going. From this place of observation, I can keep what works and quickly let go of what does not. In the end, taking nothing for granted is a posture of not clinging, either to the infinity of my life or the "truth" of my beliefs. At the end of the day, I am best served holding only to the moment - to acting "now," to putting off nothing, to declaring precious little to be "true." To live with clarity, honesty and integrity is to cling to nothing. Which, parenthetically, leads to a third interpretation. The one thing you could choose to take for granted is "nothing." No-thing is real, and no-thing goes on forever. That is one thing you can take to the bank. |
The Phoenix Recommends:Please note: we are affiliates with the Canadian Amazon Bookstore, amazon.ca and the U.S. Amazon Store. About our recommendations: books, music or whatever we recommend are linked either to The Phoenix Centre Web Store or to Amazon.com. We are affiliates of Amazon.com, and make a small referral fee if you buy a book from them, using a link from this newsletter, or from our web site. If you use the "search" link in the column to the right, you can buy ANY book from Amazon.com and we benefit from your purchase. As almost everything we do through the web site (except my books) are free, this one affiliate program allows us to offset a small portion of the expenses of publishing. If you're looking for books, tapes or anything else (pretty much anything these days!) please go to Amazon.com through our site. To see a list of ALL of our
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FREE Booklets from The Phoenix CentreThere are FREE booklets on the web site. Building Deep and Lasting Relationships The List of 50
Click here to get The Compassionate, Responsible Relationship -- 36 page booklet on building the most deep and meaningful relationship possible. You'll find encouragement for finding a depth of meaning as you learn about yourself and share it, intimately and clearly, with your partner.
Click here to get The Watcher This booklet describes the voices in our heads, the games we play with ourselves, and gives you guidance at creating an alternative voice, which I call "The Watcher." Based on behavioural theory and Buddhist and psychotherapeutic teachings, the booklet will lead you into a comfortable relationship with the voices in your head.
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Dr. Self-Help.comClick the title!Your gateway to the wide world of mental and emotional health, wellness, growth, peace, and tranquility on the web. Why waste time searching and book marking when we've already done the work for you? |
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Click the graphic!Peter Hoban's site, for views and thoughts on |
Click the graphic!Psychotherapist Ellen Moore's site, dedicated to journaling, reinterpretation of meaning and "sitting with" life issues. |
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Mystic Visionsclick the title or the graphic!Mystic Visions is one of the very few places on the internet to provide you with a complete range of tools and strategies for personal development in
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clicking gets you a pdf brochureRetreats that offer you many opportunities to explore and express your own personal journey of sexual potential. They explore sexuality and its deeply interwoven threads of intimacy, emotions, touch, eroticism, sensuality, reclaiming your body, understanding your sexual history, communication, increasing your capacity for pleasure, uniting sexuality with spirituality. |
