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Sex, Love and Compassion, part 2
Love Helps me to Know my Name

Love's Divine, by Seal, from Seal IV

Then the rainstorm came over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time through a prayer to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realized what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I don't bend [don't bend], don't break [don't break]
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me…

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bend [don't bend], don't break [don't break]
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.


This week, we move from sex to love, as many don't. Or perhaps better put, sex often turns into romantic love. Virtually all love songs, and most movies with a love theme are describing romantic love.

At one level, there's no question that romance feels good. I know a few people who are sex-romance junkies - it's all they do. Little hearts, all pitter pat. Everything is so perfect. Communication seems to flow effortlessly, and the energy is so chargy. There's this "at last I found my soul mate" undertone.

The shock, the shock when reality dawns - romance is a stage, and it's a mile wide and and inch deep. What blows me away is not that people fall for this - it's that they fall for it repeatedly.

Romance is a biological stage that follows the biological stage of sex/lust. This is not to denigrate biology. It's just to say that biology is not "there" for our enlightenment. It's there to get us to breed.

What just flashed into my head, for some odd reason, is Henry VIII. There's a perfect example of the "joys" of the sex/romance stage. Guy was not a fool in the political arena and was even a passable poet. When it came to women, however, lock up your daughters. Talk about being lead around by one's "parts."

There's such a let-down, a sense of disappointment, that usually attends the inevitable winding down of the romance. Or maybe it is that romance stays the same, and additional channels of knowledge come back on board. We begin to notice all the things we don't like in our partner. It's not that they weren't there. We were just too busy being in romance.

You all know how this goes: we start judging and blaming and feeling lied to. "(S)he didn't take care of me the way (s)he promised (or were "supposed to" if (s)he didn't promise...) My dreams and expectations are not being met - the "other" is truly other, and refuses... can you believe it!... refuses to take care of me and coddle me and put me first! How dare (s)he!"

Enough. You know all of this, as loyal ITC readers. Our illusions re. romance and love are boundless and endless, and our illusions cause us pain, and still we cling to them. Yet, and this is why Seal's song is so relevant to today's reflections, I believe Seal has it dead on.

Then the rainstorm came over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time through a prayer to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name
 

Love is what I need to help me know my name. What an amazing line! (BTW, these lyrics are from listening to the album. The lyrics are not on the liner notes. I'm still not sure about "But time through a prayer to me." I suppose it could be "But time threw a prayer to me..." hmm.)

Anyway, how might a thing called love help one to know one's name?

Has it not occurred to you that we're here precisely for that... to know our names? In other words, to dig to the depths of ourselves and find out who we are, why we are here and what we are called to do? And if that is so, and I deeply believe it is, why love?

Well, the "help love provides" is this: someone cares enough to give me a shake when I need one, a shoulder when I need one, an ear when I need one... so that within this realm of "loving permission," I can go deep and self-explore, without getting caught up in the drama of lying to myself.

Seal writes (liner): "I mean the voice of expression, of communication, how about just being heard? Isn't that what we all want? When it really comes down to it,  don't we all wish that we could just be heard so that it would then give us a feeling of validation?  Surely this would confirm our existence after all, none of us wants to come and go into oblivion. We want to be counted isn't that what all the anxiety and frustration's about?"

I want to be heard and validated. Now, validation isn't carte blanche approval. It's more the sense that comes that, having been heard, and having been heard no matter how I am, someone (thanks Dar!) actually stays put with me, and in a sense says, "Yup. That's you, and I'm sticking around anyway!"

In that validation and hearing, I find the courage to be me through re-discovering me. I engage in an endless cycle of going in and reporting back. And my partner does the same. A small example. Dar and I didn't watch "8 Simple Rules..." until John Ritter died. Then we watched the 3 episodes preceding his death, and last Tuesday, the first new episode since. As I'm in Port on Tuesday, I'd taped it, and I was watching it when I got home. Dar said, "I missed the first 10 minutes. I'll stay up and watch with you." Suddenly, I realized the show was almost over. The last scene, were the kids pile into bed with "mom," was a deeply emotional one. I started to cry. Dar said, "I decided to stay with you, as I knew you'd cry and you'd need a hug."

This is being known.

And Seal is also right, when he sings,

Oh I, don't bend [don't bend], don't break [don't break]

That's the magic of trusting the "loving process." I realize that my fears of self-revelation are unfounded and that I can be open, honest and vulnerable - by being open, honest and vulnerable.

In a never-ending cycle of love, which leads me into me and back again. Which leads Dar into Dar and back again. As we share and dance in self-revelation, as we learn, ever again, our names.




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