A big welcome to those of you that are new to "Into the Centre"!
Happy mid-April to all of you. Spring has sprung here in sunny S. Ontario,
and the flowers are up. I love this time of year.
I know. I keep saying this. However, I'm pleased to say that both the
Bodywork CD-rom and my newest book are in final edits. I'm hoping for a June
sometime launch of both, complete with a separate website to order them from.
Book signings are in the offing for Waterloo, Port Elgin, Guelph and hopefully
Toronto. I might even be able to pull something off at Haven. The book is
pleasing to me, which is likely a good sign.
Dar says hi, and sends a warm hug, as do I.
Warmly, Wayne
This e-Zine is NEVER sent unsolicited or unconfirmed. If you ever wish to remove yourself from our list, or believe you're on the list in error,
and want to be removed, click here.
You'll find a link below and to the right that links to an archive of past articles.
We really appreciate subscription referrals and encourage you to send this E-Zine to friends. All we require is that you send the whole E-Zine, as opposed to clipping text.
A client was in the other day, and we were talking about what he
should do re. his relationship with his daughter. We've talked a lot, and most
of his drama circulated around his confusion about why everything we've talked
about hasn't provided him with a predictable course of action. He said, "I shouldknow what to do. I've been working with you for 2
years!"
I thought about that for a moment, and then I came up with a
brand new analogy.
Think about how you learned to read. You learned the alphabet, then to make
words, then to make sentences. Finally, you began to take that skill set and
apply it to reading books.
Now, here's the interesting part: knowing how to read does not prepare
you for the next thing you are going to read.
Knowing how to read is a skill. Dealing with the implications of a new book,
which, in addition to having words, contains meaning (which the author
writes about, but which you actually provide) is another story altogether -
because meaning is subjective. Thus, knowing how to read
provides to tools - but each "reading" is a totally new experience.
I have several books I really like, and have read several times. I have a
habit of "word-picking" important concepts. When I re-read, I often change
word-picker colours. I have some books that have rainbow pages. Each "read"
happens with me coming from a different place and different understanding. What
stood out for me one time is not what stands out for me the next read. I can
never be prepared for the experience of the present reading. It gets so
interesting that sometimes I read something I'm sure wasn't there the
last time.
Now, if that's so regarding reading, how much more complicated would you
expect real life and real communication and real situations to be? A book is
consistent, even if you aren't. When two people are involved, all bets are off.
What this really means is that learning, for example, a communication model gives us
tools, but absolutely no preparation for the next time an
interpersonal drama arises. Because each drama is "new."
Thus, the real skill in communication is not the technique learned, but
rather the ability to suspend freaking out the next time there is an issue to
discuss. I know people that lose it completely if something unexpected comes up.
They run in circles, flapping their arms like headless chickens. Amusing to see,
but not very effective (read lousy) communication.
My client had been thinking about re-starting his relationship with his
daughter for a year. Now that there is a potential for this to actually
happen outside of his head, all of the unknowns are scaring the bejesus out of
him. My goal was to calm him enough to suggest that he simply set a date and go
hang out with his daughter, to see what actually happens.
If you've been working on any of the skills we've described in Into the
Centre over the years, and still have moments of annoying yourself or
scaring yourself, relax. This stuff doesn't work on its own, and each and every
situation is different. What worked last week might not work today. Any moron
can do this stuff when nothing is wrong. The real test of "getting it" is being
able to stay centred when the walls are falling in.
Keep working at it, and remember, there is never only one way, one
explanation or one "right answer."
But you knew that, right?
The Phoenix Recommends:
Please note: we are affiliates with the Canadian Amazon Bookstore, amazon.ca and the U.S. Amazon Store. You can visit either location and pay in your favourite currency!
About our recommendations: books, music or whatever we recommend are linked either to The Phoenix Centre Web Store or to Amazon.com. We are affiliates of Amazon.com, and make a small referral fee if you buy a book from them, using a link from this newsletter, or from our web site. If you use the "search" link in the column to the right, you can buy ANY book from Amazon.com and we benefit from your purchase.
As almost everything we do through the web site (except my books) are free, this one affiliate program allows us to offset a small portion of the expenses of publishing. If you're looking for books, tapes or anything else (pretty much anything these days!) please go to Amazon.com through our site.
To see a list of ALL of our
recommended books, click here
If you're going to shop for books, CDs or video and tape programs, and love using the web, please use our affiliate links. We earn a small commission on your purchases, which helps to "pay for" Into the Centre. Thanks!
for books, CDs, other neat stuff
for tape and video tape programs
Counselling and Consulting with Wayne, by phone, is now
available
Wherever you are in North America, if you'd like to sponsor a Phoenix Centre event, I'd be delighted to lead it. We've created an information area for "workshop coordinators" which describes suggested events. It's
here.
FREE Booklets from The Phoenix Centre
There are FREE booklets on the web site.
Building Deep and Lasting Relationships -- 45 pages. The booklet discusses the theory and practice of relationships.
-- 36 page booklet on building the most deep and meaningful relationship possible. You'll find encouragement for finding a depth of meaning as you learn about yourself and share it, intimately and clearly, with your partner.
This booklet describes the voices in our heads, the games we play with ourselves, and gives you guidance at creating an alternative voice, which I call "The Watcher." Based on behavioural theory and Buddhist and psychotherapeutic teachings, the booklet will lead you into a comfortable relationship with the voices in your head.
Just use the e-mail link, below. If you want a private answer, include the word "private" on the subject line. Otherwise, your answer will appear in our letters column, anonymously, of course.
Your gateway to the wide world of mental and emotional health, wellness, growth, peace, and tranquility on the web. Why waste time searching and book marking when we've already done the work for you?
Click the graphic!
Peter Hoban's site, for views and thoughts on faith & religion, love & sex, ambition & achievement.
Click the graphic!
Psychotherapist Ellen Moore's site, dedicated to journaling, reinterpretation of meaning and "sitting with" life issues.
Click the graphic!
Mindconnection--our name and theme. Our products and services -- many of them
free -- are resources to help you make the most of your mind, your time, and your life. See why thousands of people visit us for over three
hours at a time.
Mystic Visions is one of the very few places on the internet to provide you with a complete range of tools and strategies for personal development in
ALL aspects of your life - Spiritual, Emotional, Mental and Physical - not simply one part or another.
Retreats that offer you many opportunities to explore and express your own personal journey of sexual potential. They explore sexuality and its deeply interwoven threads of intimacy, emotions, touch, eroticism, sensuality, reclaiming your body, understanding your sexual history, communication, increasing your capacity for pleasure, uniting sexuality with spirituality.
E-Zine 
