A Message from Wayne C. Allen
Happy Holiday season!
I think I'll write 2x in December and maybe again in mid-January, before returning to our normal schedule. But that may change.
Life is good here. We're both quite busy, and looking forward to some downtime over the holidays. No big plans yet, other than visits with family and friends.
This too may change.
I put together a store featuring my recommended books – with more to come. For those of you outside of the USA, Amazon.com does ship books, but not hard goods. Amazon Canada just launched a similar service, but I haven't implemented it yet. I'll keep you posted.
Blessings and warmth from
Wayne and Darbella
 There's a new resource for you. I've converted my booklet, "The List of 50" into a full size e-book. If you found the booklet helpful, wait until you read the book. You can check it out here. Use the coupon code LOYALREADER50 for a 50% discount!!! |
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This Week's Article:
Presence Presents
I have Xmas songs playing in my head. I recently downloaded Sarah McLachlan's new Xmas album, "Wintersong," (an amazing album) and I've been playing it over and over. That, in turn, led me to remember singing "12 days of Xmas" back in my "the minister" days. So, forthwith, and over two issues of Into the Centre, are
The 12 Presents of Presence
12. Appreciation for Your Body's Wisdom
11. Living Honestly
10. Embracing Movement
9. Committing Wholeheartedly
8. Putting Yourself First
7. Creating More Passion
6. Demystifying Sex
5. Changing Your Story
4. Being a Blessing
3. Honing your Loving
2. Getting on with it
1. Living in the Present, for a Change
12. Appreciation for Your Body's Wisdom
It's time to reclaim the 95% of yourself that you minimize and disparage – your body. Admit it, you're living as a talking head, and hauling the rest of you around because you can't figure out what else to do with your body.
I spend a lot of time with people who are in absolute denial about their bodies, and what their bodies want/need. I look and see tightness, discomfort, pain. I ask, "What's up?" and I get this veritable spew of stories from the past and the future. It's all this weird external stuff that has nothing at all to do with what is going on right now.
I suggest a bit of breath, a bit of focus below the neck. Then the sighs and tears and anger and sadness and the horniness for life and for release starts creeping to the surface. Often the up-flow of emotions causes a panicky retreat back into their heads.
If the person can hold to the feeling, and be present in their body, there is an easy flow of emotion and a decided lessening of the drama they are creating. But, boy is it hard to persuade people to go there. In fact, I've pretty much given up on trying. I have taken to inviting presence through breath (and Bodywork) and then just sitting there to see what happens next.
Now is the time to commit to listening to the wisdom of your body. Stop running from yourself – running up into your head, where you lie to yourself and create more dysfunctional stories. In 2007, commit to dealing deeply and fully with your body. You'll be glad you did.
11. Living Honestly
There are many aspects of therapy that are difficult to accept, and the idea of living honestly is one of the hardest "sells." People have a lot of excuses for not being honest, either with others or with themselves. Some actually resent the whole concept – they figure "adults have a right to privacy." In other words, having secrets is seen as a privilege of being an adult. Others think that if they are honest about who they are and what they are about, others will run screaming from the room. Others get a charge out of pulling the wool over others' eyes.
Living Honestly entails self-discovery, followed by self-reflection, followed by self-revelation. This process is emphatically not about discovering your faults and then stuffing them down other's throats. One woman I know does this all the time – "It's just the way I am, and you'll have to accept me as I am." Honest Living is all about digging in deeply, revealing (to self and others) the depths of yourself, and emphatically it's about stopping lying to yourself about your inability to make better choices.
A noble goal for 2007 is to commit to telling the truth, gently, yet clearly, about yourself. (It's not about blasting others about what you perceive as their truth – "You are such a jerk. You need to get over yourself." That's not your job! Your job is to learn about the depth and height of yourself, and to bring that person into full expression in the world. It is a noble path.
10. Embracing Movement
Movement and change is our only reality. You cannot cling, for even one moment, to anything – a person, an experience, even a single breath. You cannot cling to your life – it is passing, and soon you will no longer be.
Movement and the passage of time are intrinsically linked. Once you see this, you will recognize that the pain and drama of our lives have nothing to do with what is happening right now. All of that pain comes from our fantasies that what is happening right now ought to be different. As we have that thought, our brains get involved, and soon we are just sitting there, immobile, telling ourselves stories of past and/or future.
The way out is active participation in the present moment, emphasis on active. You incarnated (literally "came into flesh – carne") to have a body, (i.e. to feel and to get around) and bodies need airing out, dancing, jumping, stretching and generally need to be in contact with other warm bodies. So, what are you doing to be present and in your body?
The lovely Darbella and I do yoga, and we dance, and we hug, touch, and cuddle. We work (it is work) at being present with ourselves (the only place and person we can be present with) as often as we remember to. In the present moment, for example, there is me, the tapping of my little fingers on the keyboard, and "The Band" playing "The Weight" in the background. My universe is right here, right with me, as I enact Into the Centre.
The movement of life is the presence of life. In this flow, I am alive and aware. And that, my friends, is as good as it gets! In 2007, commit to a rigorous physical program of movement, and then be present with what your incarnation feels like.
9. Committing Wholeheartedly
Here's a biggie. Oh, for a wholehearted commitment to anything!
Most people I work with dick around and chip away at life, as opposed to tackling the thing wholeheartedly and whole-headedly. Some months ago, (article here) I mentioned the idea of high-level wellness, and how this is not the goal for most. Most want "no pain." Go read the article for some references.
This is a biggie – a major flaw in the path we are all on is doing only enough to mitigate pain, as opposed to pushing through the pain to see what lies beyond it.
Relationships suffer from seeking "no pain." People think, "No pain, no problem." But everything always changes – and then the relationship goes south – because only the "minimal effort to maintain the status quo" is being applied.
Bodywork – I have a group of "irregular" Bodywork clients, who show up after "the damage is done." All we ever accomplish is the re-setting of their pain thermostat to "bearable." And bearable is as good as they get.
My thinking is that wholehearted commitment is necessary for a fulfilled and fulfilling life. Dabbling, playing-at-life, flitting about while time passes and life goes by, seems to me the ultimate in wasting one's life.
Yet, many are the excuses. And you are never any better than your best excuse.
Dear hearts, get over it! In 2007, commit to something and make it happen. You do not have forever.
8. Putting Yourself First
No, it's not selfish to put yourself first. I'm not talking about steam-rolling over others. I'm talking about taking your self, your life, and your path with the utmost seriousness.
Most people dedicate their lives to others, and not in a good way. Most engage in an, "If I treat them well, they'll treat me well" game that never plays out. Why?
When you make it your mission to live for another, all you create it the expectation that you will do this forever. It does not engender reciprocity. It engenders dependence and expectations – demands – for more and better from you.
Any one who accuses you of selfishness is saying, "Hey! Wait a minute! You are supposed to put me first! How dare you think of yourself and not of me?" In other words, they are doing (being selfish) what they are accusing you of!
The only way your life will ever be other than it is, is when you do something differently. Period. Anything else is a fluke. You can't change your life, your prospects, your relationships, your body, without changing something – wishing does not make it happen.
When is the right time for you???
Right now, of course!!
7. Creating More Passion
Passion is the burning, internal fire of purpose. Passion is a path of self-development – this fire is what drives us to go deeper – to change. Passion is all about desire focused on a goal and in a direction.
Other stuff (people, places, things) does not create passion in us. Passion is an inside job. This is why we can be passionate about someone or some thing at one point, and not passionate in the next breath.
Passion feels hot and chargy. Thus, it is a prime mover and motivator – so long as we do not attach to or get hooked on the feeling. If we do, we become passion junkies, and the only goal is "more passion."
Others think passion is a "special thing" that somehow gets "fit in, irregularly." I was working with a friend back in August. She had a chargy Bodywork session. She looked up at me with wet eyes, and trembles. She said, "Why wouldn't I want to feel this all the time?"
I agreed with her.
Interestingly, she hasn't been back, because she's too busy.
Hmm.
The form of passion that is helpful is passionate direction. For enlightenment. For a noble goal or cause. For more depth of self-knowing and for more depth in relationship.
This kind of passionate acting is actually a path.
Create some passion for yourself. Don't put it off. Passion is the power that primes the pump of life!
The last 6 "gifts" next issue!
