For those of you that have been reading Into the Centre and browsing the website, you’ll not be surprised to see a series of articles concerning the ‘emptying’ of body, mind and spirit.

I’ve got a great little story…

Darbella and I were off to the hair stylist yesterday, and I gained a great, practical story. Our stylist, Kathryn, has, for the last 2 years, been on a self-discovery quest, and in a lot of respects, she’s done a great job. Back in late 2004, when my book, This Endless Moment came out, she had just begun methodically changing both her story and her actions.

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I mentioned my book and she indicated she wasn’t a reader. I thought, I could record the book so she could listen to an audio book! (I also have a friend up in Port Elgin with low vision, (hey Lib! Happy 44th!) so there would be a double reason. I recorded and produced the audio book, and took her one.

Month after month, she’d say, "I know… I know… I haven’t listened to it yet." And then she’d list reasons, mostly around not having a CD player in her car. And I’d laugh and shake my head. Excuses, excuses…

This time, "Wayne! I listened to it all! And boy, do I have questions!"

And thus began an hour of the three of us discussing self-responsibility. But here’s the odd piece. She is great at self-responsible talk, and is getting great at dealing with others. The only issue is, she often doesn’t notice how good she is getting.

The Gentle Approach

She told us, (and I think this is a perfect story about how good she is) , that her husband came home recently, and seemed to be in a good mood. However, as the night progressed, his mood darkened. Now, in the past, this would have led to silence, an argument, blaming, something non-pleasant. This time, rather than biting, Kathryn asked him if he’d like to share what was up for him.

He said that he was upsetting himself over a sign that was posted at work.

"From Now On,
Everyone will be in their uniform
and ready to work
15 minutes before starting time."

He said, "I can’t believe it! I do my job! I’m going to tell my boss off, and demand to be paid for the extra 15 minutes!"

As I said, in the past, this would have led to Kathryn saying something, and her husband saying more, and off to the races they go. This time, Kathryn said, "Close your eyes. Imagine the sign. Think about where it is hanging. And ask yourself this. Do you wear a uniform at work?"

He opened his eyes, and said, "Hmm. I don’t wear a uniform at work, and the sign is in the mechanics’ area." He then got quiet and went to bed.

Next day, he comes home, all excited. "You’ll never guess what! That sign is just for the mechanics, not for me!"

Kathryn just smiled (and no "I told you so!")

Drama is as Drama Does

As we’re always saying, the internal dramas and emotional upheavals are entirely optional. The husband, in this case, was upsetting himself over his fantasy about the sign, and making himself all indignant and angry—and the sign had nothing to do with him!

As Mark Twain put it, " I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. "

The Courage to Act

Yes, it’s really all about having the courage to conquer your fears by acting in a new way. Another Twain quote: " Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

We call this ‘acting as if…’

It takes both courage and persistence to change what does not and has never worked into something that does work. This is radically different from what I see a lot of. People expecting others to change so they can be happy, for example. Then they learn a few skills and find better ways to talk, but the message is the same: "I expect you to change, or the world to change. I have all my beliefs and affirmations in place, and here I sit, waiting."

Our friend Kathryn is ‘doing,’ and beginning to notice that things are shifting. In the end, this is the solution to all dilemmas.