Comments on: You Can’t Win http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2007/08/30/you-cant-win/ The random musings of psychotherapist Wayne C. Allen - a simple Zen guy - on living and relating elegantly Wed, 07 Jan 2009 11:22:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: wayne http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2007/08/30/you-cant-win/comment-page-1/#comment-159 wayne Fri, 31 Aug 2007 07:49:49 +0000 http://phoenixcentre.com/blog/2007/08/30/you-cant-win/#comment-159 Hi Peter, Up very late, playing with new software. I'm not so sure about the 'always' part of always hurt. The Zen question is, "Who is it that wants and hurts, and an exploration shows that there is no one. The want and hurt are passing thoughts, evidenced by their non real nature. I may 'choose' to make myself sad as I watch the movie in my head, but one is equally capable of watching it, lettingit go, and then watching the next thing. It's not the movie, it's the attachment to its reality, when it's not real. It is, as you say, a fantasy. Nice hearing from you, my friend, and it is time for bed! Wayne Hi Peter,
Up very late, playing with new software.
I’m not so sure about the ‘always’ part of always hurt. The Zen question is, “Who is it that wants and hurts, and an exploration shows that there is no one. The want and hurt are passing thoughts, evidenced by their non real nature.
I may ‘choose’ to make myself sad as I watch the movie in my head, but one is equally capable of watching it, lettingit go, and then watching the next thing.
It’s not the movie, it’s the attachment to its reality, when it’s not real. It is, as you say, a fantasy.
Nice hearing from you, my friend, and it is time for bed!
Wayne

]]> By: Peter H http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2007/08/30/you-cant-win/comment-page-1/#comment-158 Peter H Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:16:32 +0000 http://phoenixcentre.com/blog/2007/08/30/you-cant-win/#comment-158 Hi Wayne Letting it go in some senses is the easy part. The pain of holding on can become so great that letting it go becomes a necessity. That doesn't deal with the sadness however. The fantasy we believed for so long because it was so attractive remains just as appealing (and just as unrealistic) as ever. Our lives are often driven by such fantasies (career, wealth, image of what a family should be, desire to be loved, etc.) so while "chop wood, carry water" is the implacable present, and the fantasy is recognised for what it is, the lure of the fantasy is no less lustrous. When others give the appearance of living my fantasy, I want it too, and that will always hurt. Peter Hi Wayne

Letting it go in some senses is the easy part. The pain of holding on can become so great that letting it go becomes a necessity.

That doesn’t deal with the sadness however. The fantasy we believed for so long because it was so attractive remains just as appealing (and just as unrealistic) as ever.

Our lives are often driven by such fantasies (career, wealth, image of what a family should be, desire to be loved, etc.) so while “chop wood, carry water” is the implacable present, and the fantasy is recognised for what it is, the lure of the fantasy is no less lustrous.

When others give the appearance of living my fantasy, I want it too, and that will always hurt.

Peter

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