Comments on: Real Relating http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=real-relating Wayne C. Allen - a simple Zen guy - writes about living and relating elegantly Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:53:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Margaret http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/#comment-278 Margaret Sat, 01 Mar 2008 06:58:38 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/#comment-278 wow yeah...the charge...I guess it is all a part of a drama...He keeps casting his line out to catch me but I am not biting because I think I am recognizing that....hmmm...interesting...it's like the light has finally dawned on me that it's always going to be a constant drama until I choose to step out...truth to tell I am sick of the drama and have been for awhile...it's all his now.... I had to look around and see where I posted this last letter! Your site is great and so helpful to me Thanks so much Margaret wow yeah…the charge…I guess it is all a part of a drama…He keeps casting his line out to catch me but I am not biting because I think I am recognizing that.…hmmm…interesting…it’s like the light has finally dawned on me that it’s always going to be a constant drama until I choose to step out…truth to tell I am sick of the drama and have been for awhile…it’s all his now.…
I had to look around and see where I posted this last letter!
Your site is great and so helpful to me
Thanks so much
Margaret

]]> By: wayne http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/#comment-275 wayne Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:45:32 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/#comment-275 I was reading something that OSHO wrote, where he differentiated two kinds of love. Using Buddha and Jesus as examples of one, he thought of their love as all encompassing, and therefore passionless. Ben & Jock say that charge goes when we no longer objectify the other, so, for example, chargy sex is only possible through objectification. OSHO said 'normal' love has a charge, and therefore is subject to yin/yang (my spin on his words...) so all relationships at this level are love/hate relationships. So, you DO hate him, if you ever loved him. Part of finding one's centre is the total, non-judgmental acceptance of who we are, and that's not just the parts of us (like loving) that we like. It's also the parts we resist (like hating.) Once we stop judging ourselves for our feelings, we begin to find freedom. Of course, then you get to accept this range in others too, without judgement... I was reading something that OSHO wrote, where he differentiated two kinds of love. Using Buddha and Jesus as examples of one, he thought of their love as all encompassing, and therefore passionless. Ben & Jock say that charge goes when we no longer objectify the other, so, for example, chargy sex is only possible through objectification.
OSHO said ‘normal’ love has a charge, and therefore is subject to yin/yang (my spin on his words…) so all relationships at this level are love/hate relationships. So, you DO hate him, if you ever loved him. Part of finding one’s centre is the total, non-judgmental acceptance of who we are, and that’s not just the parts of us (like loving) that we like. It’s also the parts we resist (like hating.) Once we stop judging ourselves for our feelings, we begin to find freedom. Of course, then you get to accept this range in others too, without judgement…

]]> By: Margaret http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/#comment-273 Margaret Fri, 29 Feb 2008 03:12:29 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/02/25/real-relating/#comment-273 Yes, this is very useful and you are right! Painful as it is....we can't change anybody and the longer it goes on the more it piles up until we start seeing through the illusion af what we thought we had and what we thought would happen and what we hoped would happen based on the belief that things will change according to our wish that he/she will finally see the light! Well POP goes this imaginary bubble once we realize that the same old everything is going to happen until WE SEE THE LIGHT!! Relationships have to be one of the toughest things we face in this life. For me, right now, it's pure torture realizing that a 6 year relationship is coming to an end. I know I am growing in leaps and bounds through this. I wish I could just hate him and find it easy to be done with it all, but I am not like that. There is so much I am going to miss but there is so much more that I just can't abide by anymore. So, I have to go with my heart for me now....it's taken me this long to care enough about myself to honor my true feelings...wow...what a ride...and I know a lot of it is based on fear...fear of going it alone in a third world country where because of this relationship I got way more complicated with Things that I wouldn't have done on my own...so it's all about simplifying my life now...day by day getting there....it'll be ok thanks for listening Yes, this is very useful and you are right! Painful as it is.…we can’t change anybody and the longer it goes on the more it piles up until we start seeing through the illusion af what we thought we had and what we thought would happen and what we hoped would happen based on the belief that things will change according to our wish that he/she will finally see the light! Well POP goes this imaginary bubble once we realize that the same old everything is going to happen until WE SEE THE LIGHT!! Relationships have to be one of the toughest things we face in this life. For me, right now, it’s pure torture realizing that a 6 year relationship is coming to an end. I know I am growing in leaps and bounds through this. I wish I could just hate him and find it easy to be done with it all, but I am not like that. There is so much I am going to miss but there is so much more that I just can’t abide by anymore. So, I have to go with my heart for me now.…it’s taken me this long to care enough about myself to honor my true feelings…wow…what a ride…and I know a lot of it is based on fear…fear of going it alone in a third world country where because of this relationship I got way more complicated with Things that I wouldn’t have done on my own…so it’s all about simplifying my life now…day by day getting there.…it’ll be ok
thanks for listening

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