Comments on: On Not Being You http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/12/22/on-not-being-you/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=on-not-being-you Wayne C. Allen - a simple Zen guy - writes about living and relating elegantly Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:53:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: wayne http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/12/22/on-not-being-you/#comment-323 wayne Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:59:02 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=227#comment-323 I suspect there were more 'socially valued' ways to be alone, in the past. It seems to me that with the fragmentation of society and the creation of 'meaning by volume' i.e. being popular on FaceBook seems important to many... people are intent on noisefully being connected, at all times. My goal, personally and with clients, is to point to self-less-ness, where 'self' is being imposed by society, while indicating the value of starting from a place of full acceptance. Glad you're getting back to 'just sitting' with yourself, as you are, and acting from there. Warm wishes fr the Holidays I suspect there were more ‘socially valued’ ways to be alone, in the past. It seems to me that with the fragmentation of society and the creation of ‘meaning by volume’ i.e. being popular on FaceBook seems important to many… people are intent on noisefully being connected, at all times.
My goal, personally and with clients, is to point to self-less-ness, where ‘self’ is being imposed by society, while indicating the value of starting from a place of full acceptance.
Glad you’re getting back to ‘just sitting’ with yourself, as you are, and acting from there.
Warm wishes fr the Holidays

]]> By: John B http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/12/22/on-not-being-you/#comment-322 John B Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:15:23 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=227#comment-322 Wayne, Thank you for the quote about "a non-threatening loneliness". Until a few years ago, this was my natural way, but somewhere along the line I was pulled off that path by people in my life who kept insisting that it wasn't right for me to be ok with silence and aloneness and insisting that I fill virtually all my time with conversation and socializing and distraction. I am realizing again that enjoying solitude and sitting quietly with sadness, feeling what there is to be felt, is not the same as being "antisocial". I was divorced a year and half ago and have not yet started a new relationship and then I was forced to say goodbye to my mom in October when cancer destroyed her body. Sometimes it seems like loneliness is overwhelming and it is made worse when we believe that we have to do something about it. Wayne,

Thank you for the quote about “a non-threatening loneliness”.

Until a few years ago, this was my natural way, but somewhere along the line I was pulled off that path by people in my life who kept insisting that it wasn’t right for me to be ok with silence and aloneness and insisting that I fill virtually all my time with conversation and socializing and distraction.

I am realizing again that enjoying solitude and sitting quietly with sadness, feeling what there is to be felt, is not the same as being “antisocial”.

I was divorced a year and half ago and have not yet started a new relationship and then I was forced to say goodbye to my mom in October when cancer destroyed her body. Sometimes it seems like loneliness is overwhelming and it is made worse when we believe that we have to do something about it.

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