http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2009/07/13/wrong-selfesteem/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=wrong-selfesteem Wayne C. Allen - a simple Zen guy - writes about living and relating elegantly Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:53:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2009/07/13/wrong-selfesteem/#comment-470 wayne Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:11:41 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=293#comment-470 Yes, I agree. Most people do the distraction/drug thing, in order to mitigate the pain. Thus putting off the imperative to change. Some get it, most do not and the drug and alcohol producers are thrilled! Yes, I agree. Most people do the distraction/drug thing, in order to mitigate the pain. Thus putting off the imperative to change.
Some get it, most do not and the drug and alcohol producers are thrilled!

]]> http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2009/07/13/wrong-selfesteem/#comment-469 Ray Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:34:30 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=293#comment-469 "Nothing changes, until the pain of change, is less than the pain of remaining the same". This is a quote from a MBA business coach I once had. “Nothing changes, until the pain of change, is less than the pain of remaining the same”. This is a quote from a MBA business coach I once had.

]]> http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2009/07/13/wrong-selfesteem/#comment-468 wayne Tue, 14 Jul 2009 13:55:45 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=293#comment-468 Hi John, This is where therapy or working with a teacher comes in handy. I remember (ruefully) going to my supervisor (same one since 78!) and telling her another version of my "Poor me, I'm stuck" story. She'd listen, then say, "Cute, but stupid." That would be enough to remind me that there is no external "great pain or great pleasure." There is just what is happening, and how I am choosing to "see" it. And yes, many of my clients choose to stay stuck in their story - maybe needing to "hit bottom" before choosing to go another way. I am not sure why this is a popular choice, although I have chosen it once or twice (see my "Watcher" booklet). The key here is to first fix the language, so that you truly hear - "I have ways of shutting myself down when I choose to feel nothing, and when I do that, I choose to stop motivating myself to come into the present." Once you truly see what you do to yourself, you can have a breath and in that moment, find the wisdom to shift your viewpoint. The only hard part about this is that you have to do it persistently and consistently. Hi John,
This is where therapy or working with a teacher comes in handy. I remember (ruefully) going to my supervisor (same one since 78!) and telling her another version of my “Poor me, I’m stuck” story. She’d listen, then say, “Cute, but stupid.” That would be enough to remind me that there is no external “great pain or great pleasure.” There is just what is happening, and how I am choosing to “see” it.
And yes, many of my clients choose to stay stuck in their story — maybe needing to “hit bottom” before choosing to go another way. I am not sure why this is a popular choice, although I have chosen it once or twice (see my “Watcher” booklet).
The key here is to first fix the language, so that you truly hear — “I have ways of shutting myself down when I choose to feel nothing, and when I do that, I choose to stop motivating myself to come into the present.“
Once you truly see what you do to yourself, you can have a breath and in that moment, find the wisdom to shift your viewpoint. The only hard part about this is that you have to do it persistently and consistently.

]]> http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2009/07/13/wrong-selfesteem/#comment-467 John Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:17:02 +0000 http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/?p=293#comment-467 Will power only takes us so far, then we need a sustainable fuel source to power us through the persistent effort required for change. Wayne, you speak of self discipline. This requires motivation does it not? What do we do when we can't find motivation? The uncomfortableness of our situation motivates us, but counteracting this motivation is the uncomfortableness of change and effort. Sometimes only great pain or great pleasure is motivation enough to continue on a path of change and unfortunately, sometimes great pleasure can be elusive and great pain can have a way of shutting us down and making us choose to feel nothing, which in turn shuts down the power of the motivating force of pain until every effort to revive the flame of desire becomes a reminder of all the times that we have tried and failed. Will power only takes us so far, then we need a sustainable fuel source to power us through the persistent effort required for change. Wayne, you speak of self discipline. This requires motivation does it not? What do we do when we can’t find motivation? The uncomfortableness of our situation motivates us, but counteracting this motivation is the uncomfortableness of change and effort. Sometimes only great pain or great pleasure is motivation enough to continue on a path of change and unfortunately, sometimes great pleasure can be elusive and great pain can have a way of shutting us down and making us choose to feel nothing, which in turn shuts down the power of the motivating force of pain until every effort to revive the flame of desire becomes a reminder of all the times that we have tried and failed.

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