the pathless path

So, 20 years ago, Darbella and I were "playing at" Ninjitsu. After a strenuous 6 months, we both tested for our first Black Belt. And passed, having each been "attacked" by 5 people at once.

I remember one funny moment. Sensei said, "Wayne passes, and he did this even though he is almost 40!" I thought his comment hilarious.

What I was most impressed by was this sweet little 70 year old lady, whose goal was to learn to do a forward roll. Basically, when someone trips or throws you, you need to know how to land. This video is helpful, so have a look.

After the same 6 month period, the lady could actually do this from a standing position, most of the time.

I mention this to talk about levels.

Our wonderful Iyengar Yoga instructor, Fay Gascho, when teaching a new asana, will break it down, teaching ever-increasingly difficult steps to the actual asana. She typically says, "This (stage) might be the bus stop you want to get off at." She means, if this is as far as you can get, comfortably, right now, then go this far.

Bus Stops along the Way

Dar and I are a few weeks away from starting our injured worker’s group. There will be "bus stops" along the way. The idea is to encourage the participants to go 1-2% past their comfort level. If they pull up too soon, nothing will change. If they go too far too soon, they’ll get injured.

So, you need to see where you are, and push yourself just past your comfort point. Again and again.
And, getting off at a bus stop does not mean staying there. It’s simply a stop along the way.

The Ninjitsu story is just a cute little story about expectations.

That Dar and I passed our 1st Black Belt test meant that we could stop there, or keep training. That does not mean that we were somehow "better" than the lady who accomplished forward roll.

To the Eastern mind, levels are nothing more than viewpoints along the way.

To the Western, linear mind, higher is better. So, instead of a gentle journey, everything is a competition.

We encourage the gentle approach.

This applies in counselling/bodywork. Often, clients come in wanting symptom relief. This is the very first bus stop. I encourage my clients, on the other hand, to keep going. Gently, but persistently.

The reason people stop is fear.

Fear of crossing a boundary, fear of "the new," fear of "what might happen." Of standing out. Of being different. Of having feelings that are judged "inappropriate, or too chargy." Fear of being alive.

The game Dar and I play, as we work on ourselves, and with clients, is how to provide the optimal inspiration, so that both our clients, and we ourselves, are challenged to keep moving.

Stuck at a Bus Stop

It’s odd. I remember one client, a long time ago, who was making progress, pushing boundaries, finding herself. Suddenly, she stopped coming in. A mutual friend asked her why. She replied, "Gotta keep going, trying new things!" Oddly, each time she tried something new, she covered the same ground.

In other words, each time she hit her growing edge, the chargy, scary edge, she started over.

Many clients play this game, and endlessly loop over the same ground, maybe marginally moving, but seemingly unaware they are stuck.

Now, we have no magic answers, other than persistence. I wouldn’t want to guess how many really bad forward rolls the lady did, prior to figuring it out. Months worth, 3 times a week. Her persistence paid off the day she threw caution to the wind and actually rolled instead of flopping.

Same for us, in Ninja-land. While we may have sort of mastered the 8 techniques necessary for the test, we could also see how little we really knew about the elegant mechanics of it all. We were more proficient, and there was a lifetime of "more" to learn.

The Point? Personal depth work has no end.

Well, it does, but it ends at death, so while we are living, we are on a path. While different people may be a different places on the path, it’s all about the walk. Those further along the path help those coming along, in an endless stream of hand-holding.

Sitting by the side of the road, for a moment’s rest, is OK, as long as you see that sitting there is just and only that—sitting there.

We therefore encourage getting back up and walking. This requires being willing to examine your sticking places, and to move through them, no matter how scary.

Also required is not distracting yourself. I know a ton of people who focus on externals like work, their partner, their kids (hey Jim!,) whatever, and miss the exhilaration of the walk. Depth is never found in an external focus. It’s found in self-depth—from there, you can play any way you want to.

If your walk has slowed or stopped (or if you are using excuses for not starting (and I’m amazed, for example, at how many people use finances as an excuse…)) reconsider. Find someone to work with, and start.

Push your boundaries, stop sticking yourself, and remember, this walk is not about how hard you worked at work. It’s about how willing you were to go deep… and find… yourself.

Related posts:

1. Dropping the Excuses
2. Who Let the Dogs Out?
3. A Life Appreciated: Taking Time to Reflect
4. Putting Your Soul into your Being

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