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Sev­eral arti­cles ago, I wrote about my “word for 2010,” which is “unbind­ing.” I men­tioned that a friend of mine, Peter Joyes, was cre­at­ing small posters for my walls (one where I write, one in my coun­selling office,) fea­tur­ing that word.

I decided on “Unbind­ing” as an expres­sion of nir­vana - a state of being that is devoid of cling­ing, per­tur­ba­tions, and knot­ti­ness. Unbind­ing comes from one def­i­n­i­tion of this hard-to-define word. (see wikipedia)

Va-na, mean­ing “weav­ing”, + nir, mean­ing “knot” = “free­dom from the knot of the dis­tress­ful thread of karma.”

Unbind­ing. Unknot­ting. Untangling.

So, the wise soul asks, “Unbound from what?”

Unbind­ing one­self from the allure of mind trips by join­ing the mind with the body in the here and now.

Last week, I men­tioned that true vul­ner­a­bil­ity is a byprod­uct of escap­ing from the trap of end­less men­tal games and descrip­tions, into the realm of open action. And this seems to me to be the ulti­mate unbind­ing. Oh. By the bye, notice that the word is unbinding, not unbound. This process is just that, a process. We learn how to unbind our­selves, and then con­tinue to do so, until we die. It’s not one time, game over. And,

This is not a quick fix — quick fixes aren’t, and don’t!

Most peo­ple I know live in their heads, and have only a nod­ding (couldn’t resist…) acquain­tance with their bod­ies. And in this arti­cle, I don’t even really want to talk about body­work- you can go to my site and read all about it.

I want to talk about liv­ing caught in one’s sto­ries, and unbind­ing your­self from that.

Oh, the twists and turns a tan­gled mind is capa­ble of. It’s like a rat’s nest up there. One client has, for 4 years, alter­nately loved and hated her hus­band. Back and forth, back and forth. She says she wants com­mu­ni­ca­tion, and all she does is judge. She says she wants fun, and all she does is blame. He gets tired and pushes back, and she gets harsher. He pulls in and acqui­esces, and she decides to stay, as she’s con­vinced he’s finally trainable.

And noth­ing changes, as this loop is ingrained in both of them, and they “enjoy” the drama.

Oth­ers get caught in a “I’m a fail­ure,” or “I’m not good enough” loop. Oth­ers, in an “I’ll never have a suc­cess­ful (rela­tion­ship, career, fam­ily. etc.)” loop. And the odd thing? All that’s hap­pen­ing is that they are on a hunt.

For what, you ask? More “evi­dence” to sup­port their pre­con­ceived notions.

Makes you won­der: why col­lect evi­dence to sup­port what you say you don’t want? Answer: because they DO, at some level, want to con­firm their tale of woe. Much bet­ter than the risk and inse­cu­rity of strik­ing off on an uncharted walk.

And there lies the rub.

Despite the obvi­ous­ness of this, let me state:

Think­ing about doing things dif­fer­ently is being caught - entan­gled, bound.
Thought — think­ing, pon­der­ing, reflect­ing, all change noth­ing. Grip­ing, com­plain­ing, demand­ing res­cue, demand­ing that the world change — changes noth­ing.
Doing some­thing dif­fer­ent? That changes things. It’s the only thing that does.

Most of my clients real­ize this, either on their own, or as I end­lessly point it out. The shake their heads know­ingly, accept this premise as gospel, and then go out and do what they always do.

And it’s time for me to shake my head.

Change comes at a price, and the price is actu­ally doing some­thing. In most cases, it’s doing what you say you’ll do.

• If you say you are going to com­mu­ni­cate using a model, you do so.
• If you say you are going to start a project, you start it.
• If you say you’re going to write AND imple­ment a busi­ness plan, you do it.

No grip­ing, no whin­ing about how hard change is. No blam­ing your par­ents for inad­e­quate train­ing in get­ting a life.

Unbind­ing is stop­ping doing what does not work, while doing what does.

Unbind­ing is dis­en­tan­gling your­self from your wacky thoughts. We all have them. Blam­ing, chid­ing, crit­i­ciz­ing, ornery thoughts. On and on, like a bro­ken record. They mean noth­ing, and are just chat­ter, unless you choose to make them the cen­ter­piece in a mean­ing­less life. Then, they take on a life of their own.

The next time you feel bound, tight, caught, have a breath. Move your atten­tion to the tight­ness, hot­ness, cold­ness, dry­ness, or wet­ness in your body. Ask your­self, “What is this? What does my body want?” Mostly, if you lis­ten, you’ll hear, “Do some­thing! Move me, shake me, use me!” Those aches and pains have been caused by you, as you forced your body into sub­mis­sion and sur­ren­der, and yet on it fights, send­ing you mes­sages, try­ing to get your atten­tion, cajol­ing you to act differently.

I teach clients to phys­i­cally unwrap their arms from their chest, to unlock their legs, and to open them­selves to the world. To, in other words, become free of bound­ed­ness, and open to pos­si­bil­i­ties. From this stance of vul­ner­a­bil­ity, it is pos­si­ble, very pos­si­ble, to take a ten­ta­tive step or two into another real­ity. But only if you unbind your­self, and then take a step.

What story are you using to stay bound? What would it be like to unbind your­self? What fear-based story do you tell to stay stuck? What would it be like to tell your­self a more inter­est­ing story?

What would it be like, to let your body work?

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Make Con­tact!

So, how does this week’s arti­cle sit with you? What ques­tions do you have? Go to the top of this arti­cle, click on the title, and leave a com­ment or question!

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Work­shops, Retreats!

Dar­bella and I can help you to find a new, vibrant, rich path. We offer day-long and week­end events —just you and us—and we will work with you, to be the change you want to see.

Read about it here:

Day-long Inten­sives
Week­end Residentials

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Related posts:

1. Clear­ing Body, Mind & Spirit — Body Cleanse
2. The Dance of Mind and Body
3. Body, Mind, and Spirit in Balance
4. Body Voices
5. Heal­ing the Mind — Body Split

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Tagged with: blamed • body • change • chinese philosophy • Communication • confucianism • define word • Drama • Health • Karma • life purpose • Mind • mindfulness • Soul • stay tuned • taoism • unbound • wackiest

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