Clinging to People
Now, let me say something radical—almost all parenting (with the exception of abuse) is the best the parent can do. They learned how to be, to relate, and to parent from their parents, and most have not explored any of this strange knowledge with a competent professional.
Most parents, then, are parenting by the seat of their pants, and are screwing up at least part of the time.
The Courage to be Happy
Given society’s propensity to think that ‘love’ should automatically equal happiness, it’s a brave thing indeed to suggest that the real source of happiness is courage.
Why is this so?
Well, there’s a progression of silliness that is common to most relationships. It begins at the ‘falling in love’ stage, when everything seems so perfect. The biological imperative sets in, and the quirks in each others’ behaviour are painted over.
As time goes by, (six months is usually about the standard time) a bit more ‘reality’ sets in. The things not noticed in the romance of falling in love begin to emerge. What’s really happening is that a certain level of comfort has been reached, and the parties are more willing to be who they really are.
Seeing the Light
It takes both courage and persistence to change what does not and has never worked into something that does work. This is radically different from what I see a lot of. People expecting others to change so they can be happy, for example. Then they learn a few skills and find better ways to talk, but the message is the same: “I expect you to change, or the world to change. I have all my beliefs and affirmations in place, and here I sit, waiting.”
Zen Based, Present Living
