The Courage to be Happy
Given society’s propensity to think that ‘love’ should automatically equal happiness, it’s a brave thing indeed to suggest that the real source of happiness is courage.
Why is this so?
Well, there’s a progression of silliness that is common to most relationships. It begins at the ‘falling in love’ stage, when everything seems so perfect. The biological imperative sets in, and the quirks in each others’ behaviour are painted over.
As time goes by, (six months is usually about the standard time) a bit more ‘reality’ sets in. The things not noticed in the romance of falling in love begin to emerge. What’s really happening is that a certain level of comfort has been reached, and the parties are more willing to be who they really are.
A Lesson About Growing Up
Many of my clients are “Boomers,” and many of them are ’squeezed’ between their living parents and their kids. I want to frame what I’m about to show you with this: The goal of parenting is to raise your kids to be independent adults—and the age of independence is 18-20. That this is not happening is terrifying.
Always has been, always will be.
Letting go of Assumptions
The first 16 years is all about what I call the “Ego Project.” It is important to note that the personal ego created in this process is self-aware but not self-reflective. I know that I am I, but I do not really know who ‘I’ am.
9 Ways to Screw Up a Relationship
Thinking that my internal reality is dictated by the behaviours or actions of others is silly and plainly untrue. My partner’s job is to look after herself, to ask for what she wants, and to let me know, with full honesty, how she is, and what she’s doing. She’s not reporting in, and not getting my permission. She’s letting me know because that’s our deal. And I do the same with her.
Clearing Relationship Gunk
What I am trying to ’sell’ here is the idea that all you can do is all you can do. It is never your job to point out what your partner is doing wrong (who do you think you are, their mommy or daddy?????) Figuring themselves out is your partner’s job. If your partner has no interest in this job, then you have to choose whether to stay. But, before you run away (again!) turn your attention to your own behaviour, and ask yourself this: “Is my current behaviour impeccable — is it designed to deepen my side of the relationship?”
The Bliss of an Empty Mind
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For those of you that have been reading Into the Centre and browsing the website, you’ll not be surprised to see a series of articles appearing over the next few weeks, concerning the ‘emptying’ of body, [...]
Zen Based, Present Living
