Dead Mom Discount

The Dead Mom Discount — So, I usually only post once a week, but Darbella and I were driving around tonight, and Dar reminded me of the following story. I just had to share it.

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November 5th this year was the 10th anniversary of my mom’s death. I’ve been in a reflective mood lately, likely because of this 10 year anniversary, and because I’m turning 60 on January 3rd.

Anyway, 10 years ago, the day after she died, I was having a nap, and feeling sad, and playing with being a half-orphan. The doorbell rang, and Darbella answered.

Soon, the patter of Dar feet was heard, coming up the stairs.

There’s a guy downstairs, and he won’t leave until he talks to “the man of the house. —

Sighing, I headed downstairs. I was confronted with a semi-scruffy Newfie. (I read his truck’s advertising…)

Sir, I’m noticing that your roof is in need of re-shingling.”

Not interested.”

Sir, we have a great deal for you. $1000.00 dollars. We take leftover asphalt from our driveway business, and spray it all over your roof. It won’t leak and it’s nice and shiny black!”

You have got to be kidding. You want to spray my roof with liquid asphalt? Go away.”

Sir, this is much cheaper than re-shingling, and we clean up the drips.”

I’d had it. My head hurt, I was grieving, and this dip-shit wanted to spray my roof with asphalt. But mommy trained me up to be polite, so I said,
“Please. Go away. My mom died yesterday, and I don’t want my roof sprayed.”

He looked shocked, and sad.

Oh sir, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude…”

I started to close the door.

I tell ya what. Since your mom has just died, I’ll give you a 300.00 dollar discount!”

I just shut the door.

Dar was behind me. I looked at her. We resisted for a second, but soon were collapsed on the floor, laughing like fools.

Asphalt on the roof!”

And… and… I just got offered my first dead mother discount!”

My mother would have thought it hilarious.

The cosmos, I’ve always said, has a wicked sense of humour.

About the Author: Wayne C. Allen is the web\‘s Simple Zen Guy. Wayne was a Private Practice Counsellor in Ontario until June of 2013. Wayne is the author of five books, the latest being The. Best. Relationship. Ever. See: –The Phoenix Centre Press

6 thoughts on “Dead Mom Discount”

  1. I’m just looking around on he web…my mom just died.
    She also had senile dementia. I hadn’t seen her since Sept.
    I told my self it didn’t matter b/c she didn’t know me anyway.
    I regret this so much.
    I encourage anyone who feels like they should be visiting more and who may have friends telling them that they “do enough” to try to visit mom or dad once a month or more…you can’t plan the time of death and if you are anything like me you will regret not saying good bye.
    By the way, this is not a lecture, not everyone does feel guilty (more power to them!), I’m not saying they should try to rustle up some guilt, I wish I was that way..I’m just writing to people who know deep down inside that they should be there…don’t let anyone tell you that you should do what they do..not even your sister or brother or best friend…just listen to your conscious about this one.

    Reply
    • Yes, the kicker is that (and I believe this holds for all relationships) what we do, we do for ourselves. In other words, I hung out with my mom (the one I had, not the one I wished I had…) because I wanted to. I worked with my reactions to her changes in personality (due to strokes) and found I got over myself. I stayed until I or we had had enough (typically 30 minutes or so) and left. Dar and I would process the visit in the car, let go of any anger, and then treat ourselves to lunch at a favourite restaurant.
      I think in this way I created more memories for myself, even though the visits were challenging.
      We all have a deep need to let go of the stories and the dramas, and simply be present with the people around us, as they are… or to choose not to be with them, without guilt.
      Thanks for writing and I’m glad you stopped by!

      Reply
  2. This hits home with me, especially your comment about accepting the mom you had at the time. My mom will be 90 in January, and she’s had a stroke and has senile dementia. She has fairly good days, and not-so-good days. Just like all of us, only magnified by her greatly narrowed world.

    Today was a good day, and I took her to the hearing aid place, and then to lunch. She enjoyed the Tucson sunshine as we sat outside and ate. I’m very grateful that she’s survived long enough for me to come to terms with most of my issues with her. I know I could have done that after she was gone, but there’s a certain satisfaction and grace in coming to accept her and our past while she’s still here.

    Reply
    • Yes, it’s good to endlessly work on the acceptance piece. Not on as we deal with others, but as we deal with the changes that come for each of us.
      It is a good practice, indeed…

      Reply
  3. Hi Wayne,
    Mom stuff I’ve been schocked, angered, depressed, wanting to make deals with the universe as I witness my mom’s state of being the last several months. She’s 81 and now has go into a personal care home for a health assessment to determine if she can still live on her own.
    I hurt about this quit a lot at times.
    At other times I’m so happy for my Mom beecause she still lives her life with dignity, courage, faith, honesty and still insists on having as much fun as she can. She’s amazing!

    Anyways Wayne you shared about your mom and your grief and you touched my heart. I am strengthened by this sharing. Thankyou.

    Sprayed on asphalt roofs! You got to be kidding!

    Take care, Blair

    Reply
    • Hi Blair,
      The interesting piece for me was to “accept” the mom I had as opposed to missing the one who was disappearing — she had a series of strokes, and her personality changed. I was able to love the mom I had until she died.
      Good practice for our own aging.
      W

      Reply

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