True Liberation

  1. The Dance of Passion and Charge
  2. True Liberation
  3. Energy and Flow
  4. Passion, Ego, and Charge
  5. 5 Blocks to Passion

True Liberation — is an action. It’s liberating yourself from the need for explanations, figuring things out — a liberation into choosing to act for self and for the benefit of all.


In This Moment

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true liberation

Last week, I began a series of articles on “letting go,” and what that might look like. This week we look at True Liberation.

I said I’d look at ways to do that, and that’s coming next. This week, a blog comment seemed to fit into the background preparation part, so here it is!

Firstly, I really enjoy and look forward to these “life pointers.”

Okay, secondly, I will not proclaim that I’m totally guilt free in regards to “over influencing” ppl, but mostly. And further, what’s on my mind is how a so-called victim may benefit by letting go as well.

For example, because of my Zen Buddhist leanings, I rarely if ever choose the route of pointless arguing or even being overly apathetic. Very few people in my life seem at all interested in meaningful dialogue, especially when they’re occupied in trying to manipulate me (which in truth, doesn’t really work and breeds resentment).

So, as divorce is a form of “letting go,” wouldn’t the same be said for moving on beyond fruitless, energy draining relationships? I mean honestly, in my life the goals I have don’t really mesh with my tribes at all. Further, matters didn’t really start out this way. I think the harder they insisted upon me following “their way” and the sanctions imposed for failure to comply, I was pushed even further away from their ideals and goal. I still endure regular manipulation and negativity from them. Am I in the wrong for finding my own way in the dark (so to speak)?

Also, I’ve been getting acquainted with Liberation Psychology and the idea of mental, physical, and spiritual liberation lately. It’s largely because I can see that they have some sort of hold on me although I mentally resist and try to negate much of their influence (which is like negative conditioning — how endearing).

I’m also wondering if there isn’t a karmic factor involved in my case because it’s nowhere totally comprehensible to me. I know I need to empower myself to the extent that I can move on, but am sensing a need for liberation in some meaningful form. I’d like to hear your thoughts on such liberation (Wayne) and if perhaps a karmic element might be impeding me or if it’s all just negative programming and low self-esteem.

Robert

I thought I’d work from this comment on my recent post, “Learning by Letting Go.

Last week’s article about passion and charge has certainly led to a lively discussion with my clients. Interestingly, living a life of passionate walking has as its chief element… letting go.

The Liberation of Relationships

As an almost universal rule, liberation does not happen in our families. It’s the lucky person indeed that can have (or would want to have) meaningful discussions with one’s parents.

erma and chuck

My mom and dad were two great people, and the best thing they ever did for me was to encourage me to hit the road from Buffalo NY to Elmhurst Illinois, for my BA. At 17 years, 8 months.

The second greatest thing they did was letting me come home summers to make money at my dad’s store, and then send me back to Illinois.

I grew up, learned self-responsibility, and started getting over myself (still working on that one, eh Dar???)

Mom and dad moved to Canada in 1982, and lived nearby until they died

My mom loved it when I was a Minister, and even attended my church. She’d introduce herself, “I’m the Minister’s mother.” When we got “exited,” (read my book, This Endless Moment, for some of the details…) mom and dad left with us. None of us ever went back.

Some years later, after a couple of strokes that altered her personality, mom said something to the effect of, “If I love me, you’d “find” another church. ”

My first response was, “Why, is one missing?”

Then, I shifted inside, and my internal reaction was,

“How can she ask me to do that? She was there! She knows how painful that was!”

Then, my internal, “Get over yourself” warning buzzer went off.

I said, “When was the last time I did something just because you wanted me to?”

Mom: “When you were 17.” (I was 49 at the time…)

Me: “Noticing a pattern?”

Of course mom wanted me to do what she wanted me to do. She had for 49 years. This did not change (her wish for control) after 22 years of not getting anywhere with me. She tried, I had an internal reaction, I got over myself, and said some form of “No.”

As I wrote, manipulation is something that happens forever. So what?

The thing our writer is implying, above, is that manipulation actually has to lead somewhere. “Endure regular manipulation and negativity…” What’s to endure?

This is the thought that others ought to cooperate with us. Ought to back us, or at least leave us alone. While I acknowledge having exactly that reaction to my mom’s question, the key for liberation comes next.

  1. I didn’t want to do what she asked, so I didn’t, and
  2. I didn’t fight with her about it.

She wanted what she wanted, and I did what I wanted. Emphasis on did.

Another recurring topic above is “… finding my own way in the dark.”

That’s just it. Not necessary. There are several authentic systems of thought for getting over yourself, and finding peace and presence. The one I write about in the main is Zen, but in the past I’ve demonstrated the same wisdom in the writings of Rumi.

None of us are required to go at this alone. In fact, I warn against it, as all we do is re-affirm our prejudices and self-deceptions. In Zen groups, one famous way to pass time is “Dharma Battle.” One person speaks, and the rest tear into the person’s understanding, probing for weak arguments.

jp rho

When we were in Cape Breton, our old friend Rhoda reminded me of a dinner at our house, a decade ago. A vice principal at school (the one Darbella and Rhoda taught at) made acting like a dick into a science.

Rhoda was upsetting herself, and saying, loudly, “He makes me so angry!” Dar and I replied, “You’re choosing to anger yourself. He’s not doing anything to you.” Rhoda and Dar and I did “dharma battle” for more than an hour, with her totally denying my perspective.

Fade to the present

Almost the first words out of Rhoda: “Remember that conversation in your back yard? That was the most profound lesson I’ve ever learned. I apply it all the time. Of, course, I figured out what you were saying after 30 minutes, but I liked the battle, too!”

The Liberation of Self

This is really where it all begins. In Chakra language, this is the 3rd, solar plexus Chakra, and until one lets go here, nothing truly meaningful can happen in your life.

It’s said that most people spend their lives on the first three Chakras (1- your right to be here, 2- relationships, sex, and 3- self-understanding.) We go round and round, feeling impotent, feeling tight and constricted by our relationships, feeling sick about our selves.

Many clients in Bodywork point to the diaphragm (and the pelvis) as locking points to liberation — to letting go.

Interestingly, Liberation Psychology emerged out of Latin America’s Liberation Theology, decades ago. Their thrust was to suggest looking at socio-economic injustice as the cause of personal distress, as opposed to internal causes. Then, to do something about the injustice, through non-violent ACTION.

Zen says, “Look to the moment in front of you.” Same thing. Zen wants us to know how much trouble we make for ourselves, by endlessly messing around with “Why” questions — trying, and failing, to come up with why we are as we are.

…sort of hold on me although I mentally resist and try to negate much of their influence…”

This is that

clouds

Thoughts, beliefs, are vapour… not real„ so as such cannot get a hold on us. Quite the opposite. It is we who grasp on to them. Left alone (given their liberation, their freedom) they just drift over our mental landscape like clouds.

Imagine trying to “resist a cloud.”

Or “trying” to negate something. My internal conversation re. my mom, above, was that. Trying to figure out the intention of another, without asking. If I was interested in her thinking I could have asked, but truth be told, once I got over feeling hard-done-by, I wasn’t interested in with her thinking or her proposal.

So, once I saw that, there was nothing else to figure out, except an elegant reply.

… nowhere totally comprehensible to me…”

Of course not. We can’t figure any of this stuff out, because all we do is tell ourselves stories. Last week I mentioned my client of the loud and long cry during Bodywork. Our first real contact was back in January, by Skype (we were in Costa Rica.)

She was trying to end a relationship without grieving. Because it was her idea. For months, we’ve been looking past the clouds of “not grieving” to actually grieving. Which is like actually acting. And which she actually did, last session.

Not comprehending. Experiencing.

Karma — “I’m also wondering if there isn’t a karmic factor involved in my case…”

On karma, I have written:

One of the main things to “get” is that we create every aspect of our own reality, and I mean every aspect. Another way to say this is to look at the concept of karma.

In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: “For every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant depending upon whether its cause was skillful or unskillful.” A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only by virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)”

Now, the normal description of karma typically includes the idea of past lives, as in, “I must have done something really bad in my past life to deserve this.” I’d like you to put that aspect aside, as this is not even close to the actual intent of the word. It’s just a complication, and the last thing you need is some other distraction to keep you stuck. Karma is not a punishment. It’s simply an explanation of cause and effect.

Bad Karma is an excuse for not acting skillfully

karma

Must be… I wrote the book on it!

Mostly, people that concern themselves with karma (of the past lives variety) are trying to figure out how to justify staying stuck. Rather than move into the present experience, (which they just manifested by the choice before it occurred) and make a present-moment choice, they think they have no choice.

This is because doing things skillfully often means doing things differently. Initially, like learning anything, it’s slow, kludgy, and only a little skillful. With continual practice (and the feedback karma provides) the skill develops into mastery.

It’s essential to act. So, if my intention is not to bite on comments, but to breathe and respond in a measured way, then I need to drop all the excuses for not doing this. No more blaming genetics, history, or karma. I simply have a breath, or maybe even two, and respond in another way.

Because, you see, it’s simple.

Act as you choose to act, accept the consequences for your actions, and use that to decide what to do next. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Liberation is not a perspective or a belief. It’s an action.

  • In Latin America, for example, it’s writing and publishing knowing you might get killed for it.
  • It’s Gandhi, marching to the sea and picking up salt.
  • It’s the Buddha, sitting still and teaching, facing down Mara, and his demons, with compassion.
  • It’s “DO unto others…”
  • Rumi: Rise up nimbly and go on your strange journey
    to the ocean of meanings.
    The stream knows it can’t stay on the mountain.
    Leave and don’t look away from the sun as you go,
    in whose light you’re sometimes crescent, sometimes full.

It’s all action

I keep inviting my clients to dance with me, and by that I mean, like sweet Rhoda, engaging fully. It might mean arguing, or it might mean expressing emotions fully and deeply. It might mean staying put when you want to run away, or doing what you say you’ll do despite the stories you tell yourself.

It might mean inviting more intimacy when you are scared to say or do or reveal.

It might mean doing your work, no matter what.

Or, you could continue to try to figure it all out.

No one has, but hey, good luck, eh?

About the Author: Wayne C. Allen is the web\‘s Simple Zen Guy. Wayne was a Private Practice Counsellor in Ontario until June of 2013. Wayne is the author of five books, the latest being The. Best. Relationship. Ever. See: –The Phoenix Centre Press

8 thoughts on “True Liberation”

  1. Thanks Wayne.

    Yes , i see that i have the choice to stop and remember. It grows slowly with the growing frustration over again and again falling into the ditch. I like it very much what you say, that i can express my emotions without aiming them at someone. Just expressing for the sake of me. Because i think all expression is really about wanting to be seen, to let myself be seen by someone, and so it comes down to what is it i want others to see. And that is really not my hurt or pain, but my love and warm heart.

    Thanks again.

    Tao

    Reply
    • And do remember that you are all of you — all of your feelings. Letting people only see one side of you is… well… one sided.
      The goal is to be comfortable with all aspects of ourself, and to choose how to express the more “interesting” ones, as you mention in your comment.

      Wayne

      Reply
  2. Wayne,
    You’re probably right concerning the manipulation. I’m hesitant to really speak in depth about it, but it’s a relatively serious complication that effects my personal sense of security. At times, heeding your advice works like a charm. This is especially when I’m staying grounded in “me,” so to speak. However, opposites seem to attract because it “seems” to me that the manipulative and even intimidating behavior has increased. I’m not giving up the fight by any means, but rather facing the fact that I’ll have to cut some close connections if I truly want to be successful. Vexation is about the best way I know how to say it — I know those generally stem from within, but I am dealing with some unexpected adversity that I must somehow get through… I guess by continuing to stay grounded firmly in “MY” beliefs and goals. Your work is extremely beneficial. Thanks so much.
    Robert

    Reply
  3. Wayne,
    Thanks for dissecting my post! That “is” what I was really wanting, after all; at least if I’m being honest with myself. And, you did a great job of making something big and complicated like “liberation” sound and seem so easy! Right now, because of the manipulation thrown in, I’m working on it being like “clouds” and not biting on it like I used to. This is new to me… More to come.

    Thanks,
    Robert

    Reply
    • A quick thought. If you are choosing to treat it as a “cloud,” you might consider dropping the “manipulation” language. If you don’t react, it’s simply “someone’s opinion.”
      Wayne

      Reply
  4. Hi
    I enjoy your articles very much and have a question after reading about true liberation. Im in a relationship where we don’t know how we will move on. He opened a big secret for me some 5 months ago, telling me he have a relationship with another woman. Im now past the most intense pain, but im still very much on an emotional roller-coaster. But then the sun shines, i feel warm love and peace inside and a letting-go and acceptance of our situation. Trouble is — i cannot express this to him. Immediately when we talk about us, all my negatives jumps on me. There is such a big distance inside me between the sunny space and the stormy weather, and however much i would like to share the sunny, its always the storms that runs the show for me. It happens so automatically. What can i do to integrate the two ‘moods’ and be able to share according to my deeper intent?
    Greetings, Tao

    Reply
    • Hi Tao,

      While it may be true that emotions seem to just pop up, there really is a choice as to how, where and if we express them. IN our work, through the use of the Communication Model, we teach people to express their emotions without aiming them at someone, blaming, etc.
      So, the language might be, “So, I’m noticing that I am angering myself over the stories I am telling myself. I’m wondering if you would listen while I yell for 5 minutes.” Or, I’m working at not choosing to let my emotions run me. I am making myself angry right now, and I also am aware that I have “sunny” feelings too, and I’d like to choose to share them with you.”
      In other words, we learn to choose how to express ourselves by using self-responsible language, typically “This is what I am choosing.” Although it may not seem like there is time for a choice, with practice, there is. Even if all you do at first is stop talking and just breathe for a bit, and then choose.
      Any time you state to yourself that “I have no choice,” you’re simply justifying unhelpful behaviour, and prolonging the fight.
      I hope that helps!
      Warmly, Wayne
      PS There’s an out of print book called Anger, Boundaries, and Safety, by JoAnn Peterson. If you search Google for it, you’ll likely find inexpensive used copies. This book, written by a friend, is an excellent guide for all of this.

      Reply

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