Yin and Yang — the dance

synopsis: yin and yang are meant to balance–to dance. But sometimes, we have to help.

Well, last weekend in Canada for a while. Back in September for our niece’s wedding. We’re doing a bit of driving around in Costa Rica for the fist 10 days, but hopefully will have Internet to send out articles.
Wayne’s books, related to today’s topic:
This Endless Moment
yin and yang

I’ve spoken about yin and yang from different angles before.

A couple of weeks back, I used the title The Curse of the Evil Twin to describe a slightly more malevolent version of this.

I was recently talking with a friend, and she made an interesting discovery. The voices in her head were quite related to the yin and yang sides of her body. She was able to access (by just listening to herself internally, then free flowing out loud) the yin voice.

So, we listened and thought about what it was saying and doing.

The yin voice was greatly into justifying its need to protect her. Which is interesting, because actual, physical protection is more of a yang thing. What this voice was doing was total yin, though.

The yin voice was used to helping her stuff her feelings, while appearing wise, so what it wanted to do was divert me from discovering its tricks. The first foray was to try to take control. As in, “Let’s approach this slowly, gently.” I laughed, and said that I wasn’t interested in being controlled. I was interested in what was going on.

So, it shifted to a bit of sarcasm. “You sure you know what you’re doing?” Which was interesting, because I wasn’t really doing all that much. Then, other distractions. Diversions.

Finally, it gave up for a bit, and slid background. Once the yin side decided to take a step back from trying to control everything, what opened up was a lot of pain and anger. Yang material.

Now, having a pretty aggressive yang side myself, I know how noisy this side can be. I’ve heard this energy called “aggress-energy,” and that seems about right.

We all have both sides. Most learn to stuff the yang side, but men, of course, might be more comfortable stuffing the yin. Most men learn to repress the yang side, because of the bad results they get when they “yang” in an uncontrolled way.

What happens is this, for all of us, no matter our sex: we feel that “aggress-energy,” and we scare ourselves, and we put up a firm wall to keep it bottled up. The wall is constructed by tightening our muscles, (principally jaw, then pelvis, and finally chest.) The jaw is often the key to the kingdom.

Anyway, because being mute is seldom much fun, our more intuitive, flowing, yin side often steps in, and tries to soft-pedal. Or divert. Or pretend we’re not angry (a biggie.)

We might even begin to convince ourselves.

being angry

Back when I was training to be a therapist, I led a group for women who had just separated. One woman was a quite petite person, with a big grin perpetually plastered on her face, even when she was describing some pretty grim things.

After a few weeks, I asked her if she’d be willing to try a physical experiment. “Of course!” she said, grinning widely.

I picked up a 2 foot square pillow, had her stand, said, “Pretend this is your ex,” and pushed her with the pillow.


I pushed again. The smile slipped a bit. Another push. “Don’t,” said she, smile gone. One more push.

She “yanged right out.” Smacked that pillow. Knocking me back. She pounded that pillow for 30 minutes. I outweighed her by more than 50 pounds, but she knocked me back and forth across the room. I finally had to put the pillow on the floor, and she climbed on it and pounded the crap out of it.

When she finally wound down, she looked serene. Balanced. Said she: “I’m tired of being someone’s Barbie doll.”

Now, the hard part to get is none of this had anything to do with me, the pillow, or her ex.

It was all about her, and what she’d been holding inside for 40 years. And, and this is key, she’d discovered a safe way to get it out. A heavy bag or a mattress would have worked just as well.

Because, you see, this energy goes nowhere. It just gets bottled up, and then the physical symptoms start, as well as mental confusion about the internal turbulence. Sleep issues are common.

My friend from the other day needed to do some screaming and some mattress kicking. She’s nowhere near to done, and texted me that the sadness was much closer to the surface.


More pounding and screaming, more releasing of the yang energy.

Without judgement.

And not directed at others. Just vented safely. Then, the body begins to heal, and yin and yang can once more dance.

About the Author: Wayne C. Allen is the web\‘s Simple Zen Guy. Wayne was a Private Practice Counsellor in Ontario until June of 2013. Wayne is the author of five books, the latest being The. Best. Relationship. Ever. See: –The Phoenix Centre Press

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