The reason people come to me is simple: they are not OK with some aspect of their lives, and they want my help to change the external thing. Or, there is some aspect of their internal theatre that they hate–an emotion, a way of being, that they disagree with, and want changed.

It’s a hard thing for them to accept that the first step in our work together is that we start from where the client is—by accepting that ‘the way it is, is the way it is.’

It’s All / It’s Not About You

Many are the people who think that the world isn’t treating them right. I hear this one especially as I counsel couples. There they sit, balefully glaring at each other, vainly hoping I’ll declare a winner. Each rattles off a litany of what the other is doing wrong. Sometimes, one or the other will tell me, with great righteousness, “Everyone knows that relationships should be easy. When you find the right person, (s)he will meet all your needs, without asking, and everything will be perfect.”

This is egotism.