This is post 1 of 3 in the series “Dealing with Stress” Ideas for stress management through Zen, meditation, re-visualization, etc. Life and Stress It’s All About Stress The Effects of Chronic Stress Life and Stress — recent studies have declared that stress is at epidemic levels. This is certainly so with students. What can … Read more
Many are the people who think that the world isn’t treating them right. I hear this one especially as I counsel couples. There they sit, balefully glaring at each other, vainly hoping I’ll declare a winner. Each rattles off a litany of what the other is doing wrong. Sometimes, one or the other will tell me, with great righteousness, “Everyone knows that relationships should be easy. When you find the right person, (s)he will meet all your needs, without asking, and everything will be perfect.”
This is egotism.
We like to believe that things are unchanging, fixed, immovable. You hear people say, “I’ll always love you.” “That will never happen.” “I only want to be happy.” (That last one should be put, “I want to be happy only.”) And yet, emptiness is the rule, as everything is impermanent, changing. That’s what’s up with the client, above. Her partner changed, and she decided she didn’t like it. Yet, change is the essential ingredient of existence.
It takes both courage and persistence to change what does not and has never worked into something that does work. This is radically different from what I see a lot of. People expecting others to change so they can be happy, for example. Then they learn a few skills and find better ways to talk, but the message is the same: “I expect you to change, or the world to change. I have all my beliefs and affirmations in place, and here I sit, waiting.”