It takes both courage and persistence to change what does not and has never worked into something that does work. This is radically different from what I see a lot of. People expecting others to change so they can be happy, for example. Then they learn a few skills and find better ways to talk, but the message is the same: “I expect you to change, or the world to change. I have all my beliefs and affirmations in place, and here I sit, waiting.”
The Buddha said some variant of, “All that you are is a product of what you have thought.” He meant that how we think determines our self-identity and our view of the world. It’s not the ‘right’ view, but rather how we frame our reality. Once we get the joke that the frame is warped by our perceptions, we can have a laugh and let it go.
It seems to me that life in the 21st century has been dumbed down and cheapened. Perhaps more so than ever before, people are fixated on buying happiness at any cost, and then depressing themselves when what they bought doesn’t have any lasting effect. The solution: Simple Presence as a Spiritual Discipline
What I am trying to ‘sell’ here is the idea that all you can do is all you can do. It is never your job to point out what your partner is doing wrong (who do you think you are, their mommy or daddy?????) Figuring themselves out is your partner’s job. If your partner has no interest in this job, then you have to choose whether to stay. But, before you run away (again!) turn your attention to your own behaviour, and ask yourself this: “Is my current behaviour impeccable — is it designed to deepen my side of the relationship?”
There is a ‘real’ world of which we are a part. It has no intrinsic meaning, and is therefore ’empty’ of meaning. We interact with everything through our senses. We’ve mentioned this before. Sensory data also has no meaning. We interpret the sensory data. Thus, the world you perceive is not the world — the world you perceive is your interpreted version of the world. Our interaction with ‘the world, then, is always subjective, as we take the raw data and judge (interpret) it.